Filling the Space

Into the Light

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2015

I am posting this again because I know I have gone off the rails again with an inability to balance, to stop, to breathe and to pay attention where attention is due, to this gift of life. 

I eat to fill the space 

that once was filled with a whole me.

I yearn for sleep that lasts

more than 

two 

hours

at

a

time.

The only way to fix me 

is to be me

and the only way

to be me 

is to take the time

to heal me -

to walk the path of wellness.

For food won't fill it, 

my mind can't simply will it.

The only way to be me

is to walk free 

now.

...And so I step up to the mic and say, "Enough." Time is limited. It is my most limited resource and it is essential that I make the most of the time I have remaining. I am going to do what I need to best ensure I have as much time left as possible and that begins with self-care. This means moderation in consumption,  particularly food, and eating fresh, local goods - way fewer packaged comestibles. It means making gentle exercise a priority and re-embracing Qi Gong as a daily practice in my life. It means caring less about the meanness that exists in our world - and by meanness, I am using the English definition of the word ...because I am English.... Definition: "lack of generosity; miserliness." 

I will breathe deeply and be present. I will say what I need and give it to myself, such as: "Time to write please!" 

There is only one way to get what we need and that is to create a kind and loving space for it. Take time to consider how we work and what we do and whether it is of value. Are we performing a task simply because we always have, or is there still a need or a positive impact from that labour? If not, let's chuck it! There is time for other pursuits if we look for it creatively. Prioritizing how we spend our time is essential to the level of joy we have in our lives. 

So, I organize to make the time to create the time to have more time. Yes, I am able to see the first world entitlement and irony here.... When did I complicate my life like this and how do I re-take the reins? 

Attention. Attention to the moments, the days, the weeks, the months and years. Attention to how I utilize and create during the time I do have and a sound belief that I have the right and the autonomy to choose.

In this season of rebirth and renewal, take a look at how your time is spent. Be creative and make space for your exceptional individuality to shine and grow. Your greatest successes and inspirations will come when you make space for them to grow. Like all the flora and fauna of the earth, you will blossom with the right amounts of space, time, nourishment and sunlight. 

With love to each of you. 

-Gillian Cornwall, March 26, 2017

Originally posted, c. March 27, 2016

Chickadee Spring, The Warrens Garden, Brentwood, BC 

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring 2015

Time To Breathe

A moment in Lady Chapel at Glastonbury Abby, completed in 1186 or 1187

Video and voice by Gillian Cornwall, c. 2015

I don't feel any damn different than yesterday, you know, 2016 - that random number of years made up since blah,blah, blah and the random number of hours in a day, blah, blah, blah. 

You see, the thing is, it's just one more way that we have built time and opportunity to judge and compare one external thing against another. I think I would just as soon not know how old I was, not have years to hold up next to the previous or the one coming - all these things that keep me out of the now and remind me that in 3 months I don't have a job anymore or that I am still held hostage by PTSD or that it is likely that more of my path lies behind me in this life than ahead. You see, it's all going to unfold no matter how we mark it. Every day, even the hardest ones, I remember that I am on the right side of the grass. There is opportunity for positive energy to occur - whether it is something that brings me benefit or benefit to another. On my worst day, just maybe there is a small act of service I can perform for another that will shift the universal energy to the positive - something to cause a ripple or a refraction of light and love that will bounce its way around the globe. Maybe that is always enough.

I do not enjoy New Year's Eve. I don't enjoy all the drunk amateur revellers who use it as an excuse to get pissed up and have a good cry, a good punch up or a good yell outside my home at 3 a.m.. I would like to be more compassionate about this sort of thing since I've been that person in my younger days but it just irritates me because it seems like such a waste and they are all going to feel like hell today. 

Frankly, today it all just seems absurd to me. Imagine life without a calendar, a life without running ourselves up against everything and everyone else everyday. Whenever I have had the privilege and luxury to step out of my workaday life and go away knowing I had a job to come back to, like my trips to the UK and Hawaii that lasted a full month (yet another measure of time), I managed to leave time behind and be present in each moment. It is astounding how long time seems when I do this. Days and nights stretch on because they are not being held responsible. I am able to be where I am, doing what I am doing, without the stricture of routine and measurement. 

All I find I want as we head into this "new year" is more of this whole "time" thingy. I want to stop without worrying that I will end up homeless in 3 months. I want to write more so I can be really good at it, as best as I can get. I want to draw way more pictures. there are so many more stories and pictures inside me. It's kind of tragic being an artist because you don't get paid much to be that - society does not value it as a necessity and will not pay for it. So, I work at a job so I can pay the bills and use the time I do have available to me to draw and write and try to maintain any friendships that I haven't already lost through being kind of broken. If I can get my novel published and I win the novel lottery in JK Rowlings fashion, I may be able to retire from the regular workforce and draw and write to my heart's content. I can't bank on that though so I will finish the novel because I want to, because it is worth it to me and it is something I can create regardless of how good or crap it may be. 

Let it be said though, that I am making the most of it all regardless of my fortunes. I write to you every week, dear readers, I draw (a great deal more that most) and I still have work, a home, food and friends and no-one is dropping bombs on me. I have it way better than 90 percent of the global population.

I have been radically changed by this onset of PTSD, post lay-off. I function just fine out in the world but it's taken a great deal away from me - sleep, relationship, physical strength, the list goes on, BUT, I am still here and grateful for the "time" and opportunity to create beauty. 

I wish the same opportunity for you - the chance to be, with all the basics covered: food, personal safety, shelter, people to care about and who care about you and, finally, chances to discover and learn and grow. 

It's a new breath. Celebrate that and enjoy it. The next one will likely come no matter what you do so let's all try to stop worrying about it and just be, together. 

However you choose to mark the passage of life, I wish you a journey with love and light. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. January 1, 2017 (so they tell me..)

Overlooking London from Hampstead Heath

Gillian Cornwall, c. October 2015

Health, Time and Loved Ones

Christmas Cheer at the Fairmont Empress, Victoria, BC
Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2015

As I do from time to time, I have decided to re-post this piece from 2014 - about two years ago this time. It still stands. It still rings as true as a sleigh bell for me. I hope it is of use to you too:

I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks - how fear can still overcome me, hindering reason, health, love and truth and how I can get in my own way when it comes to showing people how much I love them and that there is NOTHING more valuable in this world than our health, time to live and the opportunity to be with the people we love. 

When I say I get in my own way, I mean that I can let petty trivialities of day to day living and fear of failure block me from exactly that in which I wish to succeed. As I move forward, I will look at ways of doing a better job of letting go, being in the moment, being of service to those in my life and thinking before speaking. 

I'm not saying I'm awful and I'm not writing this as an act of contrition. This is what I have seen of myself. This is what I wish to change. This is what I choose to share with you in the hope it may be meaningful and useful to you as you walk your own way. 

As always, I will be engaging in the work I recently mentioned: regaining the rudder and resetting my course. I will take time to stop, to be and to help others and, I will help myself. I will restore and open that which is blocked within. I will release the holding which is keeping me from functioning in an open and fluid way. Also, I will write!

The holiday season approaches. This is an ideal time to reflect on how we are living and giving, how we spend our time and our other resources and where we are placing our value of life. Consider taking a thing out of your life and trading it for a block of time, even if the act is a symbolic one. Give away something you no longer need, be it an object or a thought that is negative (or no longer serves your well-being) and release it to the universe with love. In return, give yourself the gift of time to fill that space with love - for yourself, for others and for the blessing of good health, the blessing of life. Reset your inner clock with time for you, for your well-being and for those you love. This is your life and the most precious gift you have with which to give and receive. Use it well and with great appreciation - for nothing else matters before this. 

With love to each of you.

-Gillian Cornwall, December 4, 2016

Re-posted from Original copyright date, November 30, 2014

The family home, Hertfordshire, UK

Gillian Cornwall, c. September 2015.

Edited with text, December 2015.

Filling the Space

The Warren's Garden, Brentwood, Vancouver Island

Gillian Cornwall, Spring 2015

I eat to fill the space 

that once was filled with a whole me.

I yearn for sleep that lasts

more than 

two 

hours

at

a

time.

The only way to fix me 

is to be me

and the only way

to be me 

is to take the time

to heal me -

to walk the path of wellness.

For food won't fill it, 

my mind can't simply will it.

The only way to be me

is to walk free 

now.

...And so I step up to the mic and say, "Enough." Time is limited. It is my most limited resource and it is essential that I make the most of the time I have remaining. I am going to do what I need to best ensure I have as much time left as possible and that begins with self-care. This means moderation in consumption,  particularly food, and eating fresh, local goods - way fewer packaged comestibles. It means making gentle exercise a priority and re-embracing Qi Gong as a daily practice in my life. It means caring less about the meanness that exists in our world - and by meanness, I am using the English definition of the word ...because I am English.... Definition: "lack of generosity; miserliness." 

I will breathe deeply and be present. I will say what I need and give it to myself, such as: "Time to write please!" 

There is only one way to get what we need and that is to create a kind and loving space for it. Take time to consider how we work and what we do and whether it is of value. Are we performing a task simply because we always have, or is there still a need or a positive impact from that labour? If not, let's chuck it! There is time for other pursuits if we look for it creatively. Prioritizing how we spend our time is essential to the level of joy we have in our lives. 

So, I organize to make the time to create the time to have more time. Yes, I am able to see the first world entitlement and irony here.... When did I complicate my life like this and how do I re-take the reins? 

Attention. Attention to the moments, the days, the weeks, the months and years. Attention to how I utilize and create during the time I do have and a sound belief that I have the right and the autonomy to choose.

In this season of rebirth and renewal, take a look at how your time is spent. Be creative and make space for your exceptional individuality to shine and grow. Your greatest successes and inspirations will come when you make space for them to grow. Like all the flora and fauna of the earth, you will blossom with the right amounts of space, time, nourishment and sunlight. 

With love to each of you. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. March 27, 2016

Chickadee Spring, The Warrens Garden, Brentwood, BC 

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring 2015

A Letter to the Time Bandits

Big Ben, London, England

Gillian Cornwall, September 2016

Dear Time Bandits,

Saturday night I sat up in my bed, with my eyes closed and hot tears streaming down my face. I spoke slowly to prevent the sobs that bubbled volcanic just below the surface, the words expressing my pain and frustration to my compassionate, brilliant and loving partner.

My computer had decided to indulge itself that day with one of its epic, mind-numbing, unannounced, hours-long, Windows 10 updates just as I had sat down with a tenderly carved-out, single hour to work on my novel. The times I have to write are limited and as precious as my own breath and heartbeat.

Needless to say, I was devastated to have this hour snatched away by an untouchable computer deity. I lost my mind, freaked out, yelled at the laptop, wept and swore like a sailor. I imagine my neighbours hiding behind barricades of furniture clutching their brooms and rolling pins to fend off whatever attack was coming their way. Sorry, it was just me ...me, flavoured with the hormonal nightmare that is menopause.

But it's more than that and that is what I was able to tease out with the help of my partner on Saturday night and again with my dear friend, Kelly, on Sunday. It's not just that one hour. It's realizing that I finally accept, even celebrate, who I am and what I should be doing and there is so little time left to do it.

It is the time that has been stolen from me for as long as I can remember - in every social, school and workplace I ever had. I figured it out at last. You see, I've lost at least ten years of cumulative time, battling, just to get to the same starting line as the heteronormative male dominant society that prevails. I'm still not there. I'm still asking for answers and getting blank stares or people staring at the floor. 

I've been fighting just to get on an even footing with those who are straight, or pass as straight, because I have been treated as 'less than' for who I love for as long as I can remember. I have dealt with everything from being flashed by another woman at work to being told it would be easier for me if I just behaved and dressed more like a regular woman - if I just tried harder to fit in. 

Well, you might as well try to be gay as me try to be straight. Folks, it just doesn't work that way. You can't ask a vacuum cleaner to make your toast in the morning any more than you can ask me to pretend to be straight. It's absurd, yet you expected it. You still do. It infuriates you that I will not just stay in my box long enough for you to tape it up and get the label on there! I'm like a cat you want to contain and take to the vet and it just isn't going to happen.

...and it has cost me. Your fear, anger, petulance and lack of understanding around my unwillingness to fit your norms has cost me - not just jobs, but dignity, safety, peace and friendships. Most tragically, it has cost me epic amounts of time...

...and I want it back. All of it. Now. Please. There is less time ahead of me than behind me and I need every second of it to do all of the things I should have had the time, well-being, energy and safe location to be doing all along.

So, it would be great, society, if I could take a wee break to catch up and do the things that many of you have always been able to do. Simple things like:

• hold your partners hand in public, 
• get married to who you love, 
• apply for jobs and get them because you are qualified, 
• tell people you have someone in your life without fear of repercussion and listening to stories about the gay auntie everyone has. 

I could go on, but maybe you get the picture?

You see, Time bandits, that which you have robbed? the things perhaps you take for granted? I have had to spend more time hiding, fighting, recovering and changing the world to be a safer, kinder more equitable place for me and those who are coming after me and now, well, I am asking you to pay back your debt. I want my time back please and an apology would be a good start to pay off the interest on the debt. Acknowledgement would go a long way too, but most of all, I want my time back so I can finish my book, draw beautiful pictures and complete a legacy that includes more than an entire adult life of ploughing a line and paving the way for lesbians and gays who have come after me. I'd like a bit of time, well, just to be me. 

I'd like to start today if it isn't too inconvenient for you.

With sincere gratitude and acknowledgement to all those who have come before me and the price they have paid for me to walk my path more freely.

Sincerely,

-Gillian Cornwall, c. March 13, 2016

Princess Gardens, Edinburgh, Scotland.

Gillian Cornwall, c. October 2016

Health, Time and Loved Ones

Christmas Cheer at the Fairmont Empress, Victoria, BC
Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2015

As I do from time to time, I have decided to repost this piece from 2014 - about a year ago this time. It still stands. It still rings as true as a sleigh bell for me. I hope it is of use to you too:

I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks - how fear can still overcome me, hindering reason, health, love and truth and how I can get in my own way when it comes to showing people how much I love them and that there is NOTHING more valuable in this world than our health, time to live and the opportunity to be with the people we love. 

When I say I get in my own way, I mean that I can let petty trivialities of day to day living and fear of failure block me from exactly that in which I wish to succeed. As I move forward, I will look at ways of doing a better job of letting go, being in the moment, being of service to those in my life and thinking before speaking. 

I'm not saying I'm awful and I'm not writing this as an act of contrition. This is what I have seen of myself. This is what I wish to change. This is what I choose to share with you in the hope it may be meaningful and useful to you as you walk your own way. 

Over the next month I will be engaging in the work I recently mentioned: regaining the rudder and resetting my course. I will take time to stop, to be and to help others and, I will help myself. I will restore and open that which is blocked within. I will release the holding which is keeping me from functioning in an open and fluid way. Also, I will write!

The holiday season approaches. This is an ideal time to reflect on how we are living and giving, how we spend our time and our other resources and where we are placing our value of life. Consider taking a thing out of your life and trading it for a block of time, even if the act is a symbolic one. Give away something you no longer need, be it an object or a thought that is negative (or no longer serves your well-being) and release it to the universe with love. In return, give yourself the gift of time to fill that space with love - for yourself, for others and for the blessing of good health, the blessing of life. Reset your inner clock with time for you, for your well-being and for those you love. This is your life and the most precious gift you have with which to give and receive. Use it well and with great appreciation - for nothing else matters before this. 

With love to each of you.

-Gillian Cornwall, December 6, 2015

Reposted from Original copyright date, November 30, 2014

The family home, Hertfordshire, UK

Gillian Cornwall, c. September 2015.

Edited with text, December 2015.

Myriad Momentous Moments

Apple Orchard for the Ancient Cidery at Glastonbury Abbey

Gillian Cornwall, c. September 2015

Recently, with increasing conviction, I feel as though I have won life's lottery in the form of myriad momentous moments. These are of the greatest value and have zero potential for depreciation. 

Certainly, living in the present was rather easy to accomplish while away in the UK and, as I wrote last week, I have chosen not to return to my old routine, rather I have engaged on a clearer path with a propensity for positive thought. I am astounded by the revolutionary, full circle delight of being present and accounted for in each moment of my life without apology for what those moments bring to me and wash away, like a perfect tidal treasure. 

The very definition of the word, momentous, indicates to me that each and every moment is momentous because each and every moment impacts all of time and space by what occurs within it. How we behave with ourselves and one another in each of these moments has a ripple effect throughout time. 

Do you know the expression, 'you can't unring a bell'? Well, that applies to each of our moments, as they careen outwards from us and inwards towards us throughout time, as inextricable from us as our own heartbeats. So, live well in each of your momentous moments and share them with gratitude. Being kind to one another now will help with the creation of a future of kindness. 

Savour your moments of joy, passion, heartache, despair, loss and love, for each one surely means we have the gift of life within us. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. October 25, 2015

A cottage garden - Stow on the Wold, England

Gillian Cornwall, c. September 2015

The Simple Beat

Winter Woods

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2010

my heart beats

corporeal beast

entrenched in need

boom ditty boom

i know

the consistent beat

lub-dub

lub-dub

lucked up

mind may go

body may go

people may go

mind the gap

but boom ditty boom

lub-dub is life

beat 

breathe

repeat.

Happy Holidays. This year, I wish for one thing for all of us - the ability to slow time through appreciation of life. When everything appears to pile up, when we think we are busy and when we have filled ourselves with worry and fear, may we learn to stop and listen to the rhythm of our hearts and, in that simple beat, may we realize that we have life. Stop. Step off the wheel and look around. Reach a hand out to another. Listen to someone. Expand your lungs and your capacity for life with each breath and lub-dub beat of your beautiful hearts. Much love to each of you.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. December 21, 2014

Self Portrait

Between Lana'i and Maui

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2014

Health, Time and Loved Ones

The Golden Hearts

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

I have learned so much about myself in the last few weeks - how fear can still overcome me, hindering reason, health, love and truth and how I can get in my own way when it comes to showing people how much I love them and that there is NOTHING more valuable in this world than our health, time to live and the opportunity to be with the people we love. 

When I say I get in my own way, I mean that I can let petty trivialities of day to day living and fear of failure block me from exactly that in which I wish to succeed. As I move forward, I will look at ways of doing a better job of letting go, being in the moment, being of service to those in my life and thinking before speaking. 

I'm not saying I'm awful and I'm not writing this as an act of contrition. This is what I have seen of myself. This is what I wish to change. This is what I choose to share with you in the hope it may be meaningful and useful to you as you walk your own way. 

Over the next month I will be away from my regular job and engaging in the work I recently mentioned: regaining the rudder and resetting my course. I will take time to stop, to be and to help others and, I will help myself. I will restore and open that which is blocked within. I will release the holding which is keeping me from functioning in an open and fluid way. Also, I will write!

The holiday season approaches. This is an ideal time to reflect on how we are living and giving, how we spend our time and our other resources and where we are placing our value of life. Consider taking a thing out of your life and trading it for a block of time, even if the act is a symbolic one. Give away something you no longer need, be it an object or a thought that is negative (or no longer serves your well-being) and release it to the universe with love. In return, give yourself the gift of time to fill that space with love - for yourself, for others and for the blessing of good health, the blessing of life. Reset your inner clock with time for you, for your well-being and for those you love. This is your life and the most precious gift you have with which to give and receive. Use it well and with great appreciation - for nothing else matters before this. 

With love to each of you.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. November 30, 2014.

The Light, The Magic

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

Celebrate With Those You Love

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2011

Time

Retro-Tickers

Courtesy: Charmaine's Past and Present

Photo: Gillian Cornwall, c. 2013

Time, you dirty old man,

I feel you too close.

Your rank breath

sours my youthful beliefs

as you whisper in my ear

the things I had forgotten,

things I said I'd do by now.

Fear grips me,

turns my belly green

and my heart beats

too fast 

well into the night,

lying awake and praying for more 

time.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. August 31, 2014

I've reached that point where long-term memory returns and short term goes to pot. I remember kidnapping a turtle from the green-watered Mill Pond in Richmond Hill and peddling it home in the basket of my blue CCM bike in an empty Player's cigarette pack. I remember filling my dad's Canadian Tire wheelbarrow from the green Canadian Tire hose - everything was from the Canadian Tire store: bikes, wheelbarrows, hoses... Canadian Tire was the only choice. We loved Canadian Tire - it held so much promise to a kid: camping gear, baseball gloves and wading pools. Every store, every time, smells exactly the same - still! It's as though they have rubber scent air freshener but, thinking about it, I guess it probably is ...yep, Canadian tires....

Anyway, there is another example of time passing. I have gained an irreparable capacity for rambling. I would now make every kid's favourite high school teacher: easy to derail. Back to the turtle story, which is another rambling offshoot of the original subject of time and me finding yet another way not to think about it and its life-shattering speed. So, I filled the wheelbarrow from the backyard hose and threw in some large rocks from the garden and built a ramp so the turtle who, by now had the ignoble name, Eric, could get from the water to his island. I added greenery and went inside to the Encyclopedia Brittanica bookshelf, compulsory in every middle class, North American home in the 1960's, and pulled down the appropriate T volume. I quickly, though not as quickly as Google would have proferred, discovered that he was a painted turtle most common across Canada and the United States, though this made him no less exotic to me. 

Eventually, though I do not recall how much time passed, my parents decided to split and my mother and my youngest brother were headed to apartment life on the fringes of the city of Toronto. Eric couldn't come. The Siamese cat, Sara, was under debate. I had no idea how I would live without either of them. They were the only beings in which I had any amount of real trust.

I won't tell you about Sara. I probably already have and have forgotten (Time, you're a cheating bully and my best friend...). Eric went to Sean's house. He took care of Eric for a long time. I don't remember how long or what ultimately became of him. I regret taking him from his happy pond life and I hope he has forgiven me from the great beyond for the selfishness of my childhood need for non-human companionship. I hope Eric came back as a turtle again and lived out the life he was born to live at that beautiful pond, where the willows grew nearby, doing the hula to a gentle summer breeze. I hope Eric spent many a happy hour, sitting on a log somewhere, with the summer sun on his back and I hope I have many years left of new adventures and happy memories and stories to share. 

May time be gentle with each of you and may we not be afraid of it speeding forward but rather live in each moment with a deep, peaceful breath, grateful for the time together, each moment an opportunity to love, learn, laugh and share. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. August 31, 2014.

-Dedicated to my sweet, wonderful brother, Chris, who would have turned 65 today.

I miss you dear brother and carry you with me always.

"Come sit with me by the lake where we can

remember together."

Photo: Gillian Cornwall, c. March, 2013

My brother, Chris from the 1960s

RIP

Opening Doors

The View From the Top

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2011

There it is, everyone. The new year looms on the horizon but, why does it matter? It's just another day, right?

There is a part of me that believes this but there is another part that appreciates the imposed marker in time, an opportunity to consider and review how I live the life with which I have been blessed and to think of ways I can live well. 

I have had times of hardship and I appreciate the veil between a life of ease and a life of difficulty. There are changes that can take place in a breath. So many of us are but a pay cheque away from hardship, the possibility of homelessness or a bad choice away from abuse and debilitating lack of self-esteem. 

It doesn't always take money to make a difference, though cash can be a powerful tool for change; however, it does always take time - the most valuable commodity. As I consider what I will do differently in 2014, I will ensure that I continue to make time to help others, time to listen, time to share and love my fellow creatures. 

There is so much we can do to see each other better, to improve our relationships, to love without holding and without need. I truly believe that if you give of yourself freely, by giving universally, you heal your own soul and the soul of the world, for we are truly one, inseparable in the energy of life. 

I am grateful for this platform, across which I have been able to share my words and thoughts with you over the years. I am grateful for the friendships I have made through social media and the endless opportunities to learn and grow through my on-line and in-person communities. 

As we follow our paths into 2014, I wish each of you a full life and an open heart. May the universal love flow through you and fill you as a fountain. Be fluid; be open; be full. With love to each of you.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. December 29, 2013.

Hulopo'e, Lana'i, HI

G. Cornwall, c. December 2012.

'Tis the Season Already?

 Vancouver, Christmas Time

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2009.

 Christmas in Duncan

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2010

I'm grateful to the many cultures and religions involved in the creation of this season of festivity, when kindness and a spirit of generosity prevail, a time celebrating both nature and humanity. I've been trying to put my finger on what it is exactly I love about it and not being a member of any designated religion makes that all the more interesting to me. 

I'll admit, right off the bat, that many twinkly lights, both inside and outside, bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart and I'm sure I would enjoy them all the year through if that were the tradition. There is something magical and comforting in seeing a tree sparkling with lights, regardless of the season.

That being said, my fondness for the season stretches beyond twinkle lights. It is the warmth, the spirit, the kindness and friendliness - spending time with people I love. Also, for some years now, I have chosen to slow the pace at this time of year. It is when I choose to take the majority of my vacation time. Lat year I went back to Lana'i, Hawaii for a couple of weeks within a month of vacation time. It was an entirely healing experience - not the least of which was swimming alone in a pod of wild dolphins, two of whom were mamas swimming with their babies directly beneath them, tucked between their flippers. I was here: 

Hulopo'e Beach on Lana'i, HI

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

 Hotel Lana'i, Lana'i, HI

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

 If you knew the price of electricity on Lana'i,

this would be even more mind-boggling.

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

 The beautiful, simple entrance of the plantation style hotel,

Hotel Lana'i

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

....I hope you enjoyed your mini-vacation by picture. Back in rainy Victoria, I still love to take time off during December. I feel very fortunate to be able to take a block of time off, having worked for the same organization for 18 years. I know this is a luxury not widely available and I am extremely appreciative of it.

December off in Victoria is a chance to sit down at my writing table and spend entire days devoted to progress on my novel. It's a time to take a restful stroll through a winter wood with my love, inhaling the scent of living cedar and pine. It is a time to practice love and the spirit of giving and to realize this is something we can embody all the year 'round. It means I can put a little more time into my volunteer work as well. These are the reasons I don't mind the early start, why my tree is up in November. I want people to behave, all year long, the way we do during the festive season. Love and caring, these are the gifts of the season I treasure the most.

 Gumby and Pokey, having fun no matter the weather. 

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2006.

My wee tree.

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

When I think back on the season over the many years that have passed, I do not remember the gifts as much as the feeling of the season. Granted, I do remember the year my father made a functioning, camouflage jeep for me and my brother. It had a steering column and brakes and I believe we could peddle it too. It was great ...until my friend, James, and I crashed it in my driveway....oops. Anyway, I remember when I lay under the Christmas tree just staring up through the branches, enjoying the smell of the fresh pine or spruce, the warm glow of the coloured lights lulling me into a sense of safety and peace. Rest assured, this was a feeling I appreciated when I found it. 

I remember a Christmas on Salt Spring Island when I lived in a cabin on my girlfriend's mother's property. I had a great deal of time and autonomy because of Jay's generosity and kindness. It was a time to move slowly, to work on my arts and reflect upon the past in order to move forward with my life. These times are gems in our lives and the people who show kindness and generosity in order to aide us are angels among us. 

It was during this season that I taught myself how to make my first wreath. There is little more satisfying than creating something from nature with your own two hands. I walked through the woods, reclaiming cedar boughs that had fallen in the previous night's storm. I collected rosehips for a natural blast of red and wove them into the cedar circle. I used clusters of snowberries for their striking white. The only man-made item was the red, green or tartan ribbon I wound around the wreath. How happy this made me when I presented it to Jay for her door!

What I am getting to in all of this is that, yes, it is early to start celebrating the religious holidays associated with the time of year, but perhaps it is never too early to slow down, to breathe, to show kindness to a loved one or a stranger. If these are the tenets of the season, then may it last the whole year through!

-Gillian Cornwall, c. November 17, 2013.
This post is dedicated to Jay Birney - thank you for everything. 

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2005