Women Power at Christmas

 Evergreens stretching to the light

Parksville, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2016

Last night I dreamt about someone I used to be with back when I lived in Toronto and Ottawa, Ontario, Canada in the 1980s. That was my longest relationship - probably because we understood the madness we both carried and transported from us and within us as artists in a world that loves money above all else.

In my dream, we were together again only I was me now - 55, menopausal and changed by the PTSD that triggered through the events of this past year; the PTSD that originated from assaults and abuse and for which I've spent thousands in recovery and I have recovered, except that I am muted now, muted in ways that I won't discuss here, but ways that are permanent and have changed the way I go through my life. Maybe one day I'll go into it more - just not here and not now.

So, in this dream I am me now but my girlfriend starts the dream at the same age as when we were together in our late 20s and she gets younger and more healthy as the dream progresses and I age and become more debilitated on the other side - Very strange and kind of Dorian Grey with a twist...

It set me to wondering how that woman from my dream is now. I think she would be around 60 and I have just turned 55. I wonder if she is happy and if she ever thinks of me. I hope she is happy. I think of all the lives I've weaved in and out of and how hard it has been for me to be the kind of partner I have wanted to be because of the crimes that were perpetrated against me and the impact they have had. I think of the women I have loved and how I hope I did not harm them through contact despite having spent decades and tens of thousands on regaining my well-being.

It's Christmas morning and all I can think that any child, any woman, needs more than anything, for Christmas and everyday of her life, is to be safe and powerful, to have her body as her own and to always have the choice to share it on her own terms.

To all the perpetrators of sexual violence, mine and others, stop hurting people. You are sick and violent criminals and you need to stop. To all the people who wield physical, cultural, financial and social power against women, stop. You are damaging the world, the life force and yourselves.

To the people who turn away in feigned ignorance, believing it's best to silently ignore it, stop it. Stand up and say no to sexual violence. We must use all of the positive ways we can to stand together in loving kindness and give with good hearts in ways that feed the mother force of the world.

To that woman back across time that I dreamt of last night, how I hope you are well and happy. How I hope you are well-loved and cared for. How I have this wish for everyone I love and have loved.

On this Christmas morning, my gift to myself and all of you is that I remember and cherish the good and continue to lay down the burden of the hurt put upon me.

To those who have been hurt, I send you love. Please know you are valued and essential to the well-being of the mother force that feeds this world with love and life.

To those who have hurt me: I'm still here. I'm still standing. I am still feeding the world with the mother force of life. I am a woman, worthy of respect and love and you will never destroy what remains of me - a core of pure love fed by the great mother and creator of life.

Light, love, peace, space, time and resource to grow strong - this is my wish to each of you.

Happy holidays.

Gillian Cornwall December 25, 2016.

Dedicated to EM

Crisp, white snow - Over the 'hat - Vancouver Island

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2016

Comfort and Joy

Christmas Time

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2010

Christmas time, I lay under the tree staring up through the boughs and inhaling the fresh, outdoor scent of the scotch pine, my eyes blurring with the mystery in the strings of painted bulbs of blue and orange and green and red. The delicate, sparkling, colourful ornaments of an impossibly thin glass dangled precariously from the ends of the branches and the stretch of golden garland was carefully wound around the circumference of the tree from the angel atop to the bottom boughs. The whole process was completed by my brothers and me, as strings of silver, tinsel icicles were artfully tossed on select branches. We tried to keep these out of reach of Sarah, our Siamese cat, lest she ingest them in some sort of untimely, seasonal attempt at her own demise. Occasionally, we found evidence of her tinsel snacking in sparkling litter box parcels. 

Back under the tree, I lay pyjama-clad and lost in the magic of the season - small enough that this tree land was a fort unto itself. For a day, perhaps even more, there would be peace and I would be lost in a world where kindness prevailed amid the songs of the season played on our Zenith High Fidelity Stereo System. This was a world of reindeer and Santa Claus, surrounded by mysterious packages wrapped in paper depicting dreamworlds of sleighs and horses, snowmen and silver bells, snowflakes and stockings spilling over with treats. 

May it always be a time to rest, to spend in loving kindness with those for whom we are grateful and may the scent of a fresh forest or a string of sparkling lights always be enough to bring you comfort and joy. 

With gratitude to each of you, for your love, your kindness, and your willingness to get up every day and do your best through good times and bad. You are loved and I am blessed for all the wonder you share - simply through your desire to live with love and kindness. Plant yourself in healthy, clean soil and grow with strong, solid roots; reach for the sky and the light with every sunrise.

May every one of you share comfort and joy this season and every wish for a happy and healthy new year. 

-Gillian Cornwall, Re-posted on December 18, 2016

Original Post, c. December 22, 2013

Patient Love

The Rose
Photograph by Gillian Cornwall, c.2012

I am re-posting a version of this because I feel it is valuable and I think that patient love is the ideal Christmas gift to one another.

There Once Was a Kid who Asked, "Why?"

Every kid asks, "Why?" Some of us grow into adults who ask, "Why?" I am one of those people. It's who I am. At times, it exhausts and erodes me and the people around me. At times I am granite and at times I am worn to sand. I am an explorer of that which is claimed to be known and that which is beyond. I am not one to accept, simply because it is said. If that were the case, I would never have taken the risk of marching in a Pride parade over 30 years ago or refusing to accept a gender binary. I never would have been the first girl in my hometown to take wood shop and metal shop instead of sewing and cooking and I never would have followed my heart to the coast and learned to surf. I never would have kept writing in the face of my own parent telling me I would never be good enough. 

Today, I read a friend's post and she used the term 'patient love". The two words resonated with me and, being who I am, I had to unpack this phrase to understand "why" it has imprinted on my heart and in my vocabulary:

Patient - According to the Oxford English Dictionary, as an adjective or noun:

...enduring pain, affliction, inconvenience, etc., calmly without discontent or complaint; characterized by or showing such endurance...

as a verb: trans.To make patient; (refl.) to calm or quiet oneself; to be patient

Love - v. trans. To have or feel love towards (a person, a thing personified) (for a quality or attribute); to entertain a great affection, fondness or regard for; to hold dear...

So... calmly, without discontent or complaint, holding someone dear - this is patient love. I like it. I like it very much. This is a great response to those who perpetually ask, "Why?" Perhaps it is not a common response when one continues to question and remain inquisitive past childhood but it is a good response. May there be more patient love in the world and may there always be people who ask, "Why?" 

May there always be those who stop to question, to question injustice, hate, hurt and that which is widely known or accepted. May we have patient love for those in our lives through sickness and in health. May we not assume we know each other or what we are feeling or how justified our pain or fear or love may be. May we learn and grow with patient love. 

May we allow ourselves and one another the space to reinvent ourselves daily and may we all be blessed to share our lives with those who make us stop to consider patient love.

I dedicate this post to the people with whom I have a bond - to all the people who show me patient love, at a soul-cellular level. I originally dedicated this post to a person who has the capacity to place just what I need before me, sometimes before I even know that I need it. This person is my dear friend, Sheila Jeffries. Sheila is an exceptionally talented artist and writer and one who embodies the term, "patient love". 

Have a look at her website and read her books:
http://www.sheilajeffries.com/ 

-Gillian Cornwall, December 11, 2016

(Original post date, c. September 21, 2014)

Heart Rock

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2014

Princess

Photo by Gillian Cornwall, c. 2014

Comfort and Joy

Christmas Time

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2010

Christmas time, I lay under the tree staring up through the boughs and inhaling the fresh, outdoor scent of the scotch pine, my eyes blurring with the mystery in the strings of painted bulbs of blue and orange and green and red. The delicate, sparkling, colourful ornaments of an impossibly thin glass dangled precariously from the ends of the branches and the stretch of golden garland was carefully wound around the circumference of the tree from the angel atop to the bottom boughs. The whole process was completed by my brothers and me, as strings of silver, tinsel icicles were artfully tossed on select branches. We tried to keep these out of reach of Sarah, our Siamese cat, lest she ingest them in some sort of untimely, seasonal attempt at her own demise. Occasionally, we found evidence of her tinsel snacking in sparkling litter box parcels. 

Back under the tree, I lay pyjama-clad and lost in the magic of the season - small enough that this tree land was a fort unto itself. For a day, perhaps even more, there would be peace and I would be lost in a world where kindness prevailed amid the songs of the season played on our Zenith High Fidelity Stereo System. This was a world of reindeer and Santa Claus, surrounded by mysterious packages wrapped in paper depicting dreamworlds of sleighs and horses, snowmen and silver bells, snowflakes and stockings spilling over with treats. 

May it always be a time to rest, to spend in loving kindness with those for whom we are grateful and may the scent of a fresh forest or a string of sparkling lights always be enough to bring you comfort and joy. 

With gratitude to each of you, for your love, your kindness, and your willingness to get up every day and do your best through good times and bad. You are loved and I am blessed for all the wonder you share - simply through your desire to live with love and kindness. Plant yourself in healthy, clean soil and grow with strong, solid roots; reach for the sky and the light with every sunrise.

May every one of you share comfort and joy this season and every wish for a happy and healthy new year. 

-Gillian Cornwall, Re-posted on December 13, 2015

Original Post, c. December 22, 2013

 The Christmas Tree at Uptown

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2015

Merry Christmas for the Victoria BC Santa Parade

Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2015

The Gift of Evergreen

 Evergreen Bough

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2013

Moments

peaceful moments

life-filled

senses heightened

moments.

I walk among these winter woods

of evergreen,

every green.

From western winds, a carpet laid

in pine and spruce and cedar 

with every footfall fresh.

Branches gathered

fingers stuck with pine sap scent

this air freshener

the real McCoy.

Intertwining perfect circles

still damp

with the whisper

of the first snow fallen.

Rose hips of red

Snowberry bunches

of winter white

all bound in birch

a ribbon found.

Nature's gift

a perfect lift

for spirits fading

running ragged

the season nears.

I hang this wreath

upon your door

The symbol, strength

The circle, friends

forevermore.

-Gillian Cornwall, November 22, 2015

Re-posted from the original, December 8, 2013

On Campus

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2013

Comfort and Joy

Me and my brother, with a

somewhat stern looking Santa

c. 1965

Christmas time, I lay under the tree staring up through the fresh, outdoor sent of the scotch pine, my eyes blurring with the mystery in the strings of clipped, painted bulbs of blue and orange and green and red. The delicate, sparkling, colourful ornaments of an impossibly thin glass dangled precariously from the ends of the branches and the stretch of golden garland was carefully wound 'round the circumference of the tree from the angel atop to the bottom boughs. The whole process was completed by my brothers and me, as strings of silver, tinsel icicles were artfully tossed on select branches. We tried to keep these out of reach of Sarah, our Siamese cat, lest she ingest them in some sort of untimely, seasonal attempt at her own demise. Occasionally, we found evidence of her tinsel snacking in sparkling litter box 'parcels'. 

Back under the tree, I lay pyjama-clad and lost in the magic of the season. I was small enough that this tree land was a fort unto itself. For a day, perhaps even more, there would be peace and I would be lost in a world where kindness prevailed amid the songs of the season played on our Zenith High Fidelity Stereo System. This was a world of reindeer and Santa Claus, surrounded by mysterious packages wrapped in papers depicting dreamworlds of sleighs and horses, snowmen and silver bells, snowflakes and stockings spilling over with treats. 

May it always be a time to rest, to spend in loving kindness with those for whom we are grateful and may the scent of a fresh forest or a string of sparkling lights always be enough to bring you comfort and joy. 

With gratitude to each of you, for your love, your kindness, and your willingness to get up every day and do your best through good times and bad. You are loved and I am blessed for all the wonder you share - simply through your desire to live with love and kindness as the soil within which you have planted your roots. 

May every one of you share comfort and joy this season and every wish for a happy and healthy new year. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. December 22, 2013.

'Tis the Season Already?

 Vancouver, Christmas Time

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2009.

 Christmas in Duncan

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2010

I'm grateful to the many cultures and religions involved in the creation of this season of festivity, when kindness and a spirit of generosity prevail, a time celebrating both nature and humanity. I've been trying to put my finger on what it is exactly I love about it and not being a member of any designated religion makes that all the more interesting to me. 

I'll admit, right off the bat, that many twinkly lights, both inside and outside, bring a smile to my face and warmth to my heart and I'm sure I would enjoy them all the year through if that were the tradition. There is something magical and comforting in seeing a tree sparkling with lights, regardless of the season.

That being said, my fondness for the season stretches beyond twinkle lights. It is the warmth, the spirit, the kindness and friendliness - spending time with people I love. Also, for some years now, I have chosen to slow the pace at this time of year. It is when I choose to take the majority of my vacation time. Lat year I went back to Lana'i, Hawaii for a couple of weeks within a month of vacation time. It was an entirely healing experience - not the least of which was swimming alone in a pod of wild dolphins, two of whom were mamas swimming with their babies directly beneath them, tucked between their flippers. I was here: 

Hulopo'e Beach on Lana'i, HI

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

 Hotel Lana'i, Lana'i, HI

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

 If you knew the price of electricity on Lana'i,

this would be even more mind-boggling.

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

 The beautiful, simple entrance of the plantation style hotel,

Hotel Lana'i

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

....I hope you enjoyed your mini-vacation by picture. Back in rainy Victoria, I still love to take time off during December. I feel very fortunate to be able to take a block of time off, having worked for the same organization for 18 years. I know this is a luxury not widely available and I am extremely appreciative of it.

December off in Victoria is a chance to sit down at my writing table and spend entire days devoted to progress on my novel. It's a time to take a restful stroll through a winter wood with my love, inhaling the scent of living cedar and pine. It is a time to practice love and the spirit of giving and to realize this is something we can embody all the year 'round. It means I can put a little more time into my volunteer work as well. These are the reasons I don't mind the early start, why my tree is up in November. I want people to behave, all year long, the way we do during the festive season. Love and caring, these are the gifts of the season I treasure the most.

 Gumby and Pokey, having fun no matter the weather. 

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2006.

My wee tree.

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012.

When I think back on the season over the many years that have passed, I do not remember the gifts as much as the feeling of the season. Granted, I do remember the year my father made a functioning, camouflage jeep for me and my brother. It had a steering column and brakes and I believe we could peddle it too. It was great ...until my friend, James, and I crashed it in my driveway....oops. Anyway, I remember when I lay under the Christmas tree just staring up through the branches, enjoying the smell of the fresh pine or spruce, the warm glow of the coloured lights lulling me into a sense of safety and peace. Rest assured, this was a feeling I appreciated when I found it. 

I remember a Christmas on Salt Spring Island when I lived in a cabin on my girlfriend's mother's property. I had a great deal of time and autonomy because of Jay's generosity and kindness. It was a time to move slowly, to work on my arts and reflect upon the past in order to move forward with my life. These times are gems in our lives and the people who show kindness and generosity in order to aide us are angels among us. 

It was during this season that I taught myself how to make my first wreath. There is little more satisfying than creating something from nature with your own two hands. I walked through the woods, reclaiming cedar boughs that had fallen in the previous night's storm. I collected rosehips for a natural blast of red and wove them into the cedar circle. I used clusters of snowberries for their striking white. The only man-made item was the red, green or tartan ribbon I wound around the wreath. How happy this made me when I presented it to Jay for her door!

What I am getting to in all of this is that, yes, it is early to start celebrating the religious holidays associated with the time of year, but perhaps it is never too early to slow down, to breathe, to show kindness to a loved one or a stranger. If these are the tenets of the season, then may it last the whole year through!

-Gillian Cornwall, c. November 17, 2013.
This post is dedicated to Jay Birney - thank you for everything. 

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2005