Filling the Space

Into the Light

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2015

I am posting this again because I know I have gone off the rails again with an inability to balance, to stop, to breathe and to pay attention where attention is due, to this gift of life. 

I eat to fill the space 

that once was filled with a whole me.

I yearn for sleep that lasts

more than 

two 

hours

at

a

time.

The only way to fix me 

is to be me

and the only way

to be me 

is to take the time

to heal me -

to walk the path of wellness.

For food won't fill it, 

my mind can't simply will it.

The only way to be me

is to walk free 

now.

...And so I step up to the mic and say, "Enough." Time is limited. It is my most limited resource and it is essential that I make the most of the time I have remaining. I am going to do what I need to best ensure I have as much time left as possible and that begins with self-care. This means moderation in consumption,  particularly food, and eating fresh, local goods - way fewer packaged comestibles. It means making gentle exercise a priority and re-embracing Qi Gong as a daily practice in my life. It means caring less about the meanness that exists in our world - and by meanness, I am using the English definition of the word ...because I am English.... Definition: "lack of generosity; miserliness." 

I will breathe deeply and be present. I will say what I need and give it to myself, such as: "Time to write please!" 

There is only one way to get what we need and that is to create a kind and loving space for it. Take time to consider how we work and what we do and whether it is of value. Are we performing a task simply because we always have, or is there still a need or a positive impact from that labour? If not, let's chuck it! There is time for other pursuits if we look for it creatively. Prioritizing how we spend our time is essential to the level of joy we have in our lives. 

So, I organize to make the time to create the time to have more time. Yes, I am able to see the first world entitlement and irony here.... When did I complicate my life like this and how do I re-take the reins? 

Attention. Attention to the moments, the days, the weeks, the months and years. Attention to how I utilize and create during the time I do have and a sound belief that I have the right and the autonomy to choose.

In this season of rebirth and renewal, take a look at how your time is spent. Be creative and make space for your exceptional individuality to shine and grow. Your greatest successes and inspirations will come when you make space for them to grow. Like all the flora and fauna of the earth, you will blossom with the right amounts of space, time, nourishment and sunlight. 

With love to each of you. 

-Gillian Cornwall, March 26, 2017

Originally posted, c. March 27, 2016

Chickadee Spring, The Warrens Garden, Brentwood, BC 

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring 2015

One-downmanship

 Glass Half Full 

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2008

One-downmanship: The art or practice of being or appearing to be at a disadvantage (Oxford Dictionary)

I thought I had coined this phrase so I was surprised to see it in the Oxford Dictionary. Once again, proof that I have a limited capacity for original thought. That aside, one-downmanship is the subject of today's article.

Why do we do it, people, why? 

Here are some of the reasons I think may be the cause:

1.  We don't want people to think we are doing well because they will stop paying attention to us and stop offering us kindness and comfort because, sadly, we don't tend to do that for one another when things are going well.

2.  We don't want people to think we are doing well because they will try to take away that which we possess, be it joy or good fortune. 

3. Habit. 

4. Any form of shame and guilt built in culture and religion.

5. A result of the "Busy as a Badge of Honour" malarkey we feed one another as a rich society where we believe the busier we say we are, the more valuable and important we must be.

6.  Additionally, if we do not appear to be busy or wrung out, we could be let go from our jobs because we do not appear to be driving ourselves into a furor in competition for the almighty dollar.  

7.  A desire to appear as disadvantaged or more disadvantaged than another as a rationalization to take up inordinate space, time and energy of others.

8.  All of the above = FEAR.

One-downmanship stems from a place of fear and a lack of acceptance of wealth of spirit, health and overall fortune. In some ways,It seems to have become unacceptable to be doing well; yet, often the reaction of others is positive if we say we are fine and disadvantageous or negative if we say we are not. Again, the person asking was likely hoping for a simple, "Fine thanks" or nothing at all as the question of well-being was merely a platitude. No-one has time or energy to hear another sad story. 

Are we so inundated with the ruinous lives of strangers that we have no time to listen to those of us in our actual day to day lives? Have we lost our compassion as a result of over-stimulus courtesy of the world wide web? Do the trials and tribulations of those closest to us feel meaningless in the face of Syria, Afghanistan, or any other place of desperate need brought to us as the most horrific story from media?

If each of us is screaming, are any of us heard?

Sometimes it appears to me that those with the most advantage in life (from an economic have and have-not perspective) are competing with those who are truly disadvantaged on multiple levels in order to keep the wealth that they have. You know, "I'm not really doing as well as it appears I am doing, because..."

It's sad. 

Sometimes, we are just not seen in our difficulty. We do not feel heard or acknowledged for old hurts that have left us physically, emotionally or intellectually disabled in some way. The only means by which we can continue to seek remediation for the wrong done is to ensure that no one sees us having a good day. 

How do we find our way out of this state?

Practice, that's how. Look for wee joys in life and stand in the peace of those moments. Accept that you are worthy of well-being. 

If you feel guilty for having an easier life than another, use that energy to quietly do something for that person - perhaps without even letting them know. I find that giving to another when I am in hardship is one surefire way to lighten my footprint on this earth and brighten my path. 

You needn't flip to the far side by becoming the reigning champion of one-upmanship, but allow yourself to feel good, rested and content when you do feel so. Restore and give of yourself as you are able to do so with good heart. 

Someone once said that we owe our greatest debt to joy. ...We certainly do not owe it to misery.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. October 30, 2016

This week's post is dedicated to one of the best people 

I have the good fortune of knowing 

- who makes me a better, kinder, more honest me: Tams.

You lift me up and I am grateful.

Fernwood, bench wisdom

G. Cornwall, February 2012

Space

Less Fear = More Time

Gillian Cornwall, c. May, 2016

Space: even the act of writing or speaking the word helps me to breathe a little more deeply. It denotes an air of sufficiency - a sense that there is enough, enough of whatever it is you need for peace. It indicates room to stop and simply be. Space allows us to let go off the "busy as a badge of honour" pretence of importance that has been rampantly awarded in the last decade. The busier we are, the more we validate ourselves and one another. I recall a time when I could ask someone, "How are you?" and receive a different answer than, "Busy." The sad thing is, the busier we claim to be, the less we seem to be accomplishing. I strongly believe that if we stop, breathe, hold our space and let the energy of the universe flow through us, we will be less stressed, less fearful, more joyful and increase our capacity for true accomplishment.

Why are people working 24 hours a day on their mobile devices, doing email and attempting to complete tasks? There isn't really more work than there used to be; it is that we have convinced ourselves it must be done more quickly. We have convinced ourselves that it is expected of us; however, I see few job descriptions that have changed to indicate that the hours of work are 24/7. We are allowing our mobiles devices to rule our lives rather than serve our lives and, in this practice, we have completely lost the art of stopping and taking space.

I am learning to replace the artlessness of being busy with the art of stopping. I am busy with release - moments of release from all but assessing my own wants and needs. Does it sound selfish? Is selfishness wrong if the result is greater capacity for giving? If we do not know what we want or need for ourselves, how can we possibly be ready and able to serve others? Self-fulfilment is essential - we must be able to fill ourselves in order to participate and interact effectively outside of ourselves. 

How clear and honest can we be in a world that so values chicanery and conniving? I watch many people clawing their way to mere perceptions of power that are so far gone from truth and knowledge. I feel as though I have been air-dropped onto the set of an underfunded, unknown opera: there is a great deal of effort being put into attempts at singing and drama and swordplay, but everyone seems to have lost the plot!

I am letting go. I do not need to question the acts of others nor challenge them. I do not need to know, understand nor fix behaviours I perceive as unfair. I need to work, pay bills, keep a safe space for myself, write and create art that I hope will ultimately draw people closer to themselves and to their inter-connectivity with the universal energy force; for it is this force that offers us space and the knowledge that there is enough - when we let go, when we stop holding on with fear of loss. Listen to the waves, the wind, the bird song - their lyrics are the same - "let go and fly free of fear." It really is your life. 

There will always be the subtle balance of maintaining our wants with our needs; however, if we do not stop to create space to breathe and listen, we will always be afraid of losing something. We will always fear insufficiency.

Let us balance our outer space with our inner until we can live fully in the space of greatest intake and output. Let us save ourselves with a balance between thought (inner) and action (outer). Balance is where we will find our greatest capacity for achievement. One may fuel the ship to its greatest capacity, but if one is not keeping an eye open for obstacles, well, we know the result - tragic and unnecessary loss. 

Stop. Seek your space. Refuel. Trust yourself. Move forward. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 15, 2016

Seek Your Space

Gillian Cornwall, c May, 2016

Filling the Space

The Warren's Garden, Brentwood, Vancouver Island

Gillian Cornwall, Spring 2015

I eat to fill the space 

that once was filled with a whole me.

I yearn for sleep that lasts

more than 

two 

hours

at

a

time.

The only way to fix me 

is to be me

and the only way

to be me 

is to take the time

to heal me -

to walk the path of wellness.

For food won't fill it, 

my mind can't simply will it.

The only way to be me

is to walk free 

now.

...And so I step up to the mic and say, "Enough." Time is limited. It is my most limited resource and it is essential that I make the most of the time I have remaining. I am going to do what I need to best ensure I have as much time left as possible and that begins with self-care. This means moderation in consumption,  particularly food, and eating fresh, local goods - way fewer packaged comestibles. It means making gentle exercise a priority and re-embracing Qi Gong as a daily practice in my life. It means caring less about the meanness that exists in our world - and by meanness, I am using the English definition of the word ...because I am English.... Definition: "lack of generosity; miserliness." 

I will breathe deeply and be present. I will say what I need and give it to myself, such as: "Time to write please!" 

There is only one way to get what we need and that is to create a kind and loving space for it. Take time to consider how we work and what we do and whether it is of value. Are we performing a task simply because we always have, or is there still a need or a positive impact from that labour? If not, let's chuck it! There is time for other pursuits if we look for it creatively. Prioritizing how we spend our time is essential to the level of joy we have in our lives. 

So, I organize to make the time to create the time to have more time. Yes, I am able to see the first world entitlement and irony here.... When did I complicate my life like this and how do I re-take the reins? 

Attention. Attention to the moments, the days, the weeks, the months and years. Attention to how I utilize and create during the time I do have and a sound belief that I have the right and the autonomy to choose.

In this season of rebirth and renewal, take a look at how your time is spent. Be creative and make space for your exceptional individuality to shine and grow. Your greatest successes and inspirations will come when you make space for them to grow. Like all the flora and fauna of the earth, you will blossom with the right amounts of space, time, nourishment and sunlight. 

With love to each of you. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. March 27, 2016

Chickadee Spring, The Warrens Garden, Brentwood, BC 

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring 2015