Renewal

As we walk through life, we encounter all manner of love. Love never disappears. As energy, love only changes shape. 

Each breath of love echoes through our hearts with each beat for as long as our journey continues. Know this and know that you are not alone. We are one world, one life and our hearts beat the rhythm of that song throughout time.

I hope this short poem reminds you of this today and that you feel the universal love, today and always.

For those of you in Nepal trying to recover from the earthquake and aftershocks, and those of you around the world, struggling to survive on little to nothing, please know that there are thousands of us around the globe who know of your plight and are sending resources (financial and physical), love and prayers to you. 

Things green
a place unseen
a home to lay your hat
and love.

Springtime Sunday
a bird song
a heart beat 
rhythm and a tune.

Now I understand 
the love that never left me
in each beat, we meet
as one.

Things green 
a place unseen 
a home to lay your hat
and love. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 17, 2015

All images are the property of Gillian Cornwall

Please do what you can to help those recovering from the earthquake in Nepal. Until May 25, 2015 the Canadian government will match donations to the Nepal Region Earthquake Fund through Red Cross Canada.

Mothers and Our Other Mother Mothers

 

My Mother, EA Jay c. 1943-44

Photographer unknown

One thing we all have in common (among the many things we all have in common), is that every single one of us, all living things, have had a mother who brought us forth into this world. Those lucky enough, were raised by them in loving, caring, supportive homes by women (and men) who taught them how to be kind, loving, supportive people in turn. 

Today, I want to talk about another kind of mother: the other mother. There are so many of you out there: stepmothers, godmothers, foster mothers and women who just stepped up to love and care for us when those of us who lost our birth mothers along the way needed a mother's love to get through something, or to support us, or congratulate us on our successes and comfort us in our losses. Today, I salute you and thank you for all you have given - selflessly and without asking for anything in return.

I had a second mum when I lived on Salt Spring Island. Her name is Jay and she cared for me when I was a bit lost. She housed me, fed me and showed me the unconditional love that only a mother can. I am grateful to you, Jay. Thank you for reminding me about unconditional love and about giving because you can. I did some healing in your care and in your home. I am eternally grateful. Also, I had the most amazing godmother, Mary Woodburn, who taught me so much about unconditional love and freedom of spirit. I am a much better person for the love of these two women and for many others along the way who taught me the lessons that a mother teaches.

So, to all of you out there who have been a mother to someone, for a day or for a lifetime, I salute you and thank you for giving that very particular kind of love. Please know that you have made the world a kinder, safer and more peaceful place because of your actions. My gratitude to each of you for caring for the children of the great mother, Earth, who I celebrate on this day for her love and sustenance of all of us. Please be kind to her and care for her now and always so that she may continue to love and provide for generations to come.

For those of you who have recently lost your mothers, my heart goes out to you in your loss. Talk to her today anyway - tell her what is in your heart and go out and give love to another. This will help to heal the pain in your heart. 

To my mother, Eunice Audrey Jay, thank you for my life and for caring for me. I learned so much from you, from the lessons of your life and your love of the arts and culture. I wish I had known you longer. I have learned from your strength. I send you love and I wish you eternal peace and joy.

Here is a link to some ideas to think beyond our own mother's today:
http://www.upworthy.com/how-we-can-think-beyond-just-our-own-moms-on-mothers-day?c=ufb1 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 10, 2015

Funny/Not Funny

Have you seen this fish?

If you do, do not approach him.

He may be finned and dangerous.

There is also a great likelihood that he is tanked...

Humour is a funny thing.... As some of you may know, I worked as a stand-up comic for about four years at the turn of the century. Right of the bat, I need to let you know that this does not mean, nor did it ever mean, that I told jokes. I talked about this and that in a way that made people laugh. The stories were generally about my own experiences and the foibles of my being a human animal amidst a bunch of other human animals plodding our way through life. I don't know any jokes and never tell any.

My big goal, was to have people be able to laugh at elements of life that are commonly contentious in a way that may set them to thinking and, perhaps, have them consider a point of view outside of their own. 

I was able to touch on subjects such as: LGBT* lifestyle and gay marriage, our use of natural resources at the expense of the planet, the casual way we approach air travel and visiting cultures outside of our own. 

It was an interesting part-time career for me - I still had a full-time job - being an entertainer is not exactly lucrative in the early days. I learned a lot. I made a lot of mistakes and still think about them to this day. It's hard when you are on stage and all eyes are on you. People are paying attention (in most places) and they expect to be entertained. So when you forget your material in a moment of either ill-preparedness or after bantering with a heckler (part of the biz), it is really easy to go off the rails and pick on something ...anything. That's the thing with humour, whether you are being paid to do it or if you are joking around with friends: it is so easy to hurt someone with poorly thought out words. 

As a comedian, I approached the art with a great deal of writing, rehearsing and trial and error, but, generally, I was practiced and ready to work. When we are "joking" with friends, it is all too easy to go for the low blow, particularly if we are dealt one first and fall, helplessly into a retaliation mind-set. 

All I'm asking is that we exercise caution in our humour. Try not to be too self-deprecating. Do not make jokes at the expense of another person - their race, culture, sex, sexual orientation, age, weight.... The list goes on. I know, I know, you may be thinking, "Come on! It's just kidding around. Everybody should know when we are just joking. Why does everything have to be so PC?" The thing is, we are highly sensitive, delicate beings - all of us - and, above all else, we deserve care and kindness. We don't know what another person has experienced in a day when we decide to poke a little fun at them. Be careful with one another. 

There are many laughs to be had without unkindness. ...My apologies and gratitude to the fishy in the picture above. I confess I used his image and poked fun at him without his consent. I am truly grateful to him and hope he is doing well in his tank on Maui. I wanted to set him free, but I wasn't sure if he was even from there and, I admit, I did not want to be arrested. I am a bit of a non-starter when it comes to activities that can result in my imprisonment.

I wish you a happy day with joy and laughter along your way. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 3, 2015

Look, it's Nemo!

"Keep swimming, keep swimming..."~Dory

Me - doing a show in another stunning location...
Photographer unknown, circa 1999 or 2000.

Signs of Life

 Gore Park, Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

Signs of life

in every sense -

to hear, to see,

to feel and taste

- the scent upon 

the ocean breeze

 Gore Park, Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

the beating heart

in the earth

below our feet

Gore Park, Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

she pushes love

through loamy skin

as camas and as clover born 

Gore Park, Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

for bees to buzz

and propagate the species

Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

each wave upon 

the pebbled shores

is yours

 Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

your blood

coursing and caressing

Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

through Spring,

for life, life

in every bird song

 Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

a call to the duty 

of your life,

Brentwood Bay, BC

Gillian Cornwall, c. April 25, 2015

through space,

through time

- from your heart

to mine

-Gillian Cornwall, c. April 26, 2015

Perspective - Creating the Positive Picnic Basket

Picnic Basket

Charmaine's Past and Present

Fort St, Victoria.

G. Cornwall, 2012.

Life doesn't always feel like a picnic but if you are prepared to have one anyway, looking for the positive in every situation, life does become more simple. 

The unexpected turns of life, the potholes on our path, the barriers of our own creation, can be our demise or our opportunity to shift our thinking and our way of travelling through life - for what are we without these challenges. 

Stillness may bring us peace, opportunity to rest for a time, but in the long run we must shift in order to grow. Even as my bus driver takes a wrong turn causing delay, there must be opportunity. I see it as extra time to write on my way to work and, as one of the elders on campus once said, "You're not late unless everyone has already gone home."

It is not the perceived errors in our life that define us, rather the way in which we mitigate them. How do we face change or loss? Is there loss if nothing is held tightly? Like all things, like thermodynamics, we will move to where there is space for us to be. This is how we grow and learn and gain perspective.

Do not fear the fall. Prepare yourself for it by living a life of gratitude, in peace, accepting that change will come and that all is well. Accept each breathe as a blessing in which to be present, an opportunity to live and to love with an open heart and an open mind.

A poem on perspective:

I elevate

I reach

beyond that which I believe

the land of exploration

the sensation

the bold and brave new world.

I search

for another way of being

something more freeing

with more meaning

where a hand reaches out 

for another hand.

For if we truly work together 

there is enough for everyone.

If I take away desire

-for stuff brings strife-

and focus on the stuff of life

If I let love be my fire

and make true

the path between me and you,

then I elevate,

I reach

beyond that which the world believes.

If I live a life of gratitude,

not servitude,

If I feed the world 

with my soul, my light

then I will know

what it means to live free, to live right.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. July 7, 2013.

Re-posted here: April 19, 2015.

Big Island - Parker Ranch

c. Gillian Cornwall

Oil Pastel on Paper, 2007.

$200.00

Chat with a tree today.

Western Red Cedar by Gillian Cornwall, c.2005

Oil Pastel on Paper $900.00

22" x 30"

If you have a chance, go to a forest today and breathe deeply. Feel the life, the peace, the perfect gift of nature. Restore your soul with the elements that really matter in this moment - life, love, and peace. I'm re-posting this from last year because it feels like a good time for it. I hope it brightens your day. 

A naive poem follows. It is meant to carry you to a peaceful place, a remembrance of how it works when we stop and listen to all of life and that we are one, inextricably connected.

The Western Red Cedar

I'm a western red cedar 

thuja plicata

green perfect plaits 

well-organized leaves

'tree of life' 

arbor-vitae

for the next thousand years 
I will reach for the sky

My limbs droop downward 

in peaceful repose

while birds fly and sing 

from my tip to my toes

I spread my feet wide

for fear I may fall

though I suppose the fact is

I'll outlive you all

I live in a forest 

you may never find 

It's a place tucked away

on the outside of time

Far down below me 

'mid the moss and the ferns

One day I shall lay there 

my death bed I'll earn

As trees came before me

may I feed many more

In the depths of the rich 

thick, lush forest floor

Do not forget me 

I bring you your air

for the breathe of the forest 

Is the life we all share

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 4, 2014
Re-post, April 12, 2015

Cedar by the Lake

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2011

Belief

A Belief I Can Get Behind

Gillian Cornwall, Photo: c. 2014

Beliefs - we all have them. Our collective human history is filled with them. We base our culture and our systems on them. In some ways, they are the building blocks of our lives. They are held from perspectives - our own, that of another or our own translation of that of another.

A timely example: There is a bunny and he has a basket of eggs, sometimes chicken, sometimes chocolate, and he hides them on the Easter weekend for children to go out and discover. From this, I surmise that he can walk or hop on his hind legs. This is cool. My understanding is children get the eggs if they have been good, similar to Christmas presents. Here is some Wikipedian history of the Easter Bunny. 

It is Easter weekend in the Christian faith. It is Passover in the Jewish faith. Later this month it is Ridvan for those of the Baha'i faith. There is a great deal of belief, faith and wonder in humanity. I like that. I like the variety of our ways of being and I can find peaceful joy in our differences. 

"Peaceful joy in our differences" ...so why are there wars fought over who has it all right? Do we need so desperately to believe our way is the right way, the only way? I feel that my greatest knowing comes through listening and learning and making informed decisions as I walk my path. The way of knowing is not a still pond but a flowing river. My beliefs have changed over the years and I have not felt the need to hold fast to one way. I do not need a head nod from another, an " I agree with you. We believe the same thing." 

Does it feel good to share belief with another? Absolutely. Whether it is spiritual, or about the benefits of the practice of Qigong or the foods I eat, I love it when I find another who likes what I like. It gives one a sense of camaraderie and belonging; however, it is through difference that I learn and grow. I am not a stagnant being. I am amorphous and in motion. I want to challenge my beliefs which are largely based on those of my culture, my people, my history and the stories I have been told. 

I am amazed when people are adamant with me that I have to do Yoga - even after I explain that it does not feel good to me. I have been to a number of classes and it just doesn't suit my body. In fact, it hurts. On the other hand, Qigong strengthens me and provides a great sense of well-being. It works for me. I am delighted for the people who have found what they need through Yoga and I'm glad I had the opportunities to try it, but why would I continue if it is not for me? Is it to make others feel that they are right in their choice? Of course they are; they have found that which works for them, as have I. Neither activity hurts nor diminishes the other; they are just different. Can it not be this way with all difference? Can we not just listen, explore and celebrate one another with an absence of harm? I am probably over-simplifying, but I would love it if we could live and let live. 

I wish you each kindness, respect, peace, love, compassion and joy, no matter your beliefs and choices. Let us all try to care for one another and our planet. 

Happy Spring. I hope you enjoy the pictures below. They are all from springtime in Victoria, BC, Canada.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. April 5, 2015

 Different Ways of Being - Tulips

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2008

 Tulip, Spring Rain

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2008

 Rhododendron

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2008

 Cherry Blossoms

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

 Tulip

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2010

Narcissus

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2014

You Are the Gift

 

Spring in Victoria

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

Have you ever worked your hardest at something and been over the moon excited to deliver it, only to receive little or no response or a different response than the one for which you had hoped?

Have you ever felt terribly dejected and hopeless, wanting to throw in the towel, certain you had failed, that you made no difference or impact whatsoever even though you had given it your all?

It's a disappointment, a debilitating feeling that most of us (okay, probably all) have faced or will face at different times in our lives. For those of you out there who are carrying these feelings, whether from recent or long past disappointments, I would like you to consider this:

We may believe we have failed, been ignored, misunderstood, overlooked or pushed aside but, the fact is, most of the time we are projecting the term failure onto the truth, which is: we are unaware of the actual impact we are having as a result of our actions. Sometimes, we miss the facts because we are so focused on the fiction we have written for ourselves around our own value and impact on others. We wrap our gift, whether verbal, physical, emotional or physical, in a hyperbole of our own expectations of the reception of the gift. 

"I have given this;

therefore, I expect that."

This is a pointless exercise as we cannot control the way our gifts are received - we can only give them. The truth is, we don't always know when or how our actions and words impact others. All we can do is be kind and true in our interactions.

If you feel as though you don't make a difference in the lives of others, I can guarantee that you are mistaken. You matter. If you have ever smiled at someone - friend or stranger, held a door open for someone or even thought a positive thought about a fellow being, then you have facilitated an endless ripple effect of positive energy and opportunity throughout time and space! You matter. You are a vessel of possibility and love. You are unique and irreplaceable. 

Your capacity to see another, to lift them with a smile, to give of yourself freely without expectation of return - this is your greatest gift to the world. Never doubt for a minute that you make a difference. You may not always get the reaction you hoped you would get or the result you expected, but if you put your heart into something, that in itself makes the world better. You may not know the difference you made right there and then, but be patient. Your good works will feed you and guide you and, if you are too focused on waiting and looking in one direction for your expected outcome, you may miss a beautiful gift being delivered from another direction. 

Give the gifts of yourself with a good heart. Do not worry about how they are received as that is beyond your control. Trust in your value as a loving person. Give what you are free to give and let go. 

I dedicate this to all those who suffer from anxiety and worry that they are somehow insufficient, not producing enough, or not succeeding enough, or not giving enough. I see your kind hearts and you are enough. Wishing you love and hoping I offer some light along your paths. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. March 29, 2015

From sky to tree to sea

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

Being the Ladder

"Tying a Rope to a Mooring Ring"

by Crystal Przybille

Hands of Time Public Art Exhibit

Victoria BC

Photo: Gillian Cornwall

What is the value of being the ladder?

I've been considering my career and my role in the organization with whom I work. Then I have been taking a broader look from a greater height at the way I go about things. Part of it comes from some of the learning I did about how I work on my writing at the WordsThaw event in Victoria yesterday.

I had my first session with an author, reviewing a first draft page of short fiction that I had written. I was a bit terrified that he would throw it on the floor and tell me it was an offense to his senses. He didn't. He was very helpful. It made me wonder though, why do I assume the worst about my self in the work I do, whether writing or day job or anything at which I work? How did I come to feel so "less than" about many of the things I do? As I have said before, I think there is merit in a modicum of self-doubt. I think we should review how and why we go about things and question our reasoning. The thing I don't want to do is compare my value against that of another. When we start holding our work, ourselves, up against others, it does not always serve us well as one must always be "less than" and one "more than". 

In my paid work, I feel as though I have hit a glass ceiling. Recently, when I apply for jobs and do not get them, I ask for feedback - ways I could improve my lot and my chances of "moving up". I am usually met with a "You did great but the successful candidate had 'more experience' or 'a degree'". Okay, that may be all there is to it. There is a lot of competition out there. I do feel that sometimes people don't want to have the difficult conversations about why a candidate was not selected. I would rather know than not, but there is little one can do about the actions of others. 

One thing I have realized is that I have (joyously) spent a lot of time helping others with their careers and life decisions - mentoring and guiding them in ways to facilitate their success. They are all wonderful people who have had or created great opportunities for themselves with respect to their lives and their educations and, sometimes, they are more willing to conform within an organization than I am. Perhaps it is a lifetime of standing up and pointing out elephants in the room, clearing paths for those that have been treated as "less than" and saying "no" to discrimination and dismissal of the value of difference as someone who identifies as LGBT*. I think that has come to be a part of my role - who I am and what I do. It's not on my resume and it may not be in my job description, but it is the heart of the work I do. I'm good at it and I enjoy it. 

So, I am wondering, perhaps my role is to be the ladder rather than the person who climbs it. Not with my writing - I don't even look at my writing that way - it's just that yesterday's symposium set me thinking about how I view myself. When I think about being the ladder or the conduit, I feel quite good about myself. Sometimes this type of role is undervalued in a society where those who make more money are considered more valuable, even though that doesn't really make sense ...just cents. 

As far as my writing goes, it's difficult to think about it in terms of a value statement. It is valuable to me because I love to do it. I love to write this blog. I love to write fiction and CNF and poetry. I am excited by the thought of finishing my novel and starting the next project. I wish I could be paid to stay home and write but I am grateful for my paid position and the things it affords me. I LOVE the volunteer work I do through my paid work because it forwards the causes of equity, diversity and inclusion. I am grateful for those opportunities and the brilliant people who serve on the committees and from whom I learn so much.

I suppose what I would like to let go of is the financial "have and have not" comparison and live happily with my way of being. I am not less than because I have chosen this role for myself - one that is not as financially valued. I am doing well. I enjoy serving my fellow humans. I love helping people reach their potential whether they are friends, students, colleagues, partners or strangers. It is a good life, a life with meaning and a value that is measured beyond the dollar. Being the ladder is good. 

I apologize for the self-serving nature of this post, but I do hope that it helps someone out there, for we are all in this together - this life thing. As well, I want to acknowledge and express my gratitude to all of the amazing people who have been my ladder along the way, all of those who hold up the lantern to light my path when I fall off course or when I get lost in the darkness. By no means do I walk this road alone! You know who you are and I am blessed by your love throughout my life. 

If you have insights or questions, please leave a comment and, as always, thank you for reading.

-Gillian Cornwall, c March 22, 2015

 Digging our way through

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2014

More or Less

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2012

Trusting Me

Me. Garden of the Gods - Lana'i, Hawaii

2012

There are times when I think, "Really, you are still learning this?" I suppose, like everything in life, we go through times when we flourish and times when we recede. 

This past week, I had a truly wonderful flourishing experience and it was all about trusting myself and using what I have learned from others along the way, integrated with my own personal experience. 

I was giving a presentation and decided to apply the ways I have learned from our Indigenous Elders on campus. The elders teach us by telling their truth, their history and applying it to the situation and people to whom they are speaking to create a climate of understanding, sharing, trust and learning. They teach us through story - a way as old as time.

I was speaking about showcasing our people at work, who they are and their backgrounds and how our excellence comes from engaging the hearts and minds of our people. Shining a light for one another on our paths to achievement rather than just lighting up the finish line.

Anyway, what I want to talk about is the risks we take in life and being true to ourselves. This isn't exactly earth shattering, cutting edge thinking but it astounds me that, at 53, I'm still learning to trust myself. Not that I ever want to be over-confident; perhaps a modicum of self-doubt is healthy.

It is a risk, getting up in front of a group of people that includes your leaders and mentors and speaking your personal truth, your story, as it relates to the subject at hand. It is a fine intersection point between being anecdotal and hoping that the experience you bring and share offers a common ground for everyone present - a place from which each individual can be heard and appreciated. 

It feels good to know I hit the mark on this occasion, that I had an impact and created an opening for thought and discussion of the issues at hand. It feels good to know that I am learning, growing and that I'm a little more at home in my skin than I was last week. That's the whole point, isn't it? We learn; we grow; we succeed; we fail. We persist. We stand tall in our own skin and say, "I am here. I belong. I have something to share with you." 

We can only give what we have to give - freely and with a good heart. How it is received is beyond our control; still, we must give and be true to ourselves. Try it out - slowly and gently if you need, but be "you". Be strong, simple, perfectly good, "you".

Enjoy yourself along the way.

-Gillian Cornwall, March 15, 2015

Me. Strong, simple, perfectly good, "me".