Sunday, December 25, 2016

Women Power at Christmas

 Evergreens stretching to the light
Parksville, BC
Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2016

Last night I dreamt about someone I used to be with back when I lived in Toronto and Ottawa, Ontario, Canada in the 1980s. That was my longest relationship - probably because we understood the madness we both carried and transported from us and within us as artists in a world that loves money above all else.

In my dream, we were together again only I was me now - 55, menopausal and changed by the PTSD that triggered through the events of this past year; the PTSD that originated from assaults and abuse and for which I've spent thousands in recovery and I have recovered, except that I am muted now, muted in ways that I won't discuss here, but ways that are permanent and have changed the way I go through my life. Maybe one day I'll go into it more - just not here and not now.

So, in this dream I am me now but my girlfriend starts the dream at the same age as when we were together in our late 20s and she gets younger and more healthy as the dream progresses and I age and become more debilitated on the other side - Very strange and kind of Dorian Grey with a twist...

It set me to wondering how that woman from my dream is now. I think she would be around 60 and I have just turned 55. I wonder if she is happy and if she ever thinks of me. I hope she is happy. I think of all the lives I've weaved in and out of and how hard it has been for me to be the kind of partner I have wanted to be because of the crimes that were perpetrated against me and the impact they have had. I think of the women I have loved and how I hope I did not harm them through contact despite having spent decades and tens of thousands on regaining my well-being.

It's Christmas morning and all I can think that any child, any woman, needs more than anything, for Christmas and everyday of her life, is to be safe and powerful, to have her body as her own and to always have the choice to share it on her own terms.

To all the perpetrators of sexual violence, mine and others, stop hurting people. You are sick and violent criminals and you need to stop. To all the people who wield physical, cultural, financial and social power against women, stop. You are damaging the world, the life force and yourselves.

To the people who turn away in feigned ignorance, believing it's best to silently ignore it, stop it. Stand up and say no to sexual violence. We must use all of the positive ways we can to stand together in loving kindness and give with good hearts in ways that feed the mother force of the world.

To that woman back across time that I dreamt of last night, how I hope you are well and happy. How I hope you are well-loved and cared for. How I have this wish for everyone I love and have loved.

On this Christmas morning, my gift to myself and all of you is that I remember and cherish the good and continue to lay down the burden of the hurt put upon me.

To those who have been hurt, I send you love. Please know you are valued and essential to the well-being of the mother force that feeds this world with love and life.

To those who have hurt me: I'm still here. I'm still standing. I am still feeding the world with the mother force of life. I am a woman, worthy of respect and love and you will never destroy what remains of me - a core of pure love fed by the great mother and creator of life.

Light, love, peace, space, time and resource to grow strong - this is my wish to each of you.

Happy holidays.

Gillian Cornwall December 25, 2016.
Dedicated to EM

Crisp, white snow - Over the 'hat - Vancouver Island
Gillian Cornwall, c. December 2016

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