Hurt, Fear and Moving Forward

Rainbow Crosswalk

Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015

It's me. My Voice. One Voice. 

I won't say it's "just" me because none of us are "just" anything. I am one who has stood, at times alone and at times with many, through 35 years, or more, of advocacy and activism. I say "or more" because even when I was a child I had to fight for a space to be myself rather than the person who others wanted me to be. At school, at camp, at home, at work, at play - for most of my life I have had to expend an uncommon amount of energy vying for space to be myself instead of just being and doing in the realm of what someone else sees as "normal" or fitting in. It has set me back in career and financial resource and continues to set me back. Over time, I have been labelled as a trouble maker more than a change maker. Rest assured, I would love to live without the "trouble." I'm bloody tired.

On a Thursday afternoon this past June, within the stretch of three hours, I went from a) listening to a few members of the LGBT* campus community calling me a perpetuator of violence when I spoke and cut the ribbon at a campus pride crosswalk opening to b) listening to the sound a raisin makes when you squeeze it at a mindful meditation workshop. The juxtaposition of these two events in such a short space of time does not only appeal to my sense of irony but also to my sense of how we traverse difficult encounters.

Until this post, I have not responded publicly or directly to these community members to let them know I will not carry the label they yelled at me that day. I am not "perpetuating violence." I am putting down their label: "perpetuator of violence." It does not fit who I am nor the path I have travelled.

The folks using this term indicated that painting a rainbow crosswalk on our campus is dangerous because it will lead community into the false assumption that the campus is safe for members of the LGBT* community when there is still work to be done and spaces on campus that are not safe for some. They feel the crosswalk gives a false sense of safety and will potentially leave LGBT* community members more open to acts of unexpected violence than if it were not there. For my part, I do not think that this is the case. I do not feel a rainbow crosswalk anywhere means I am safe or not safe. I don't think it reasonable to think that lines on a road could prevent violence, hate or subjugation of a people. I do think it marks an intent of advocacy, hope, and a recognition of some hard-fought battles surrounding issues of equity and work toward diversity.

There are quotes from the crosswalk protesters in this Martlet article.

It has taken me months to consider my response. I have been afraid to speak because I felt afraid, silenced and unheard by the protesters and I have been afraid of the response I might receive from them. I feel they made assumptions about me and my beliefs without knowing me, asking me or listening to what I had to say. I am tired of being afraid. I was not asked to participate in the interview or article produced by The Martlet newspaper. My speech and video of the speech are available in my blog article, Walking the Path of PRIDE.

I would like to point out that not only am I a staff member at my school, but I have been a student (non-credit), a step-parent, a volunteer and a teacher. I am a multi-faceted person and I do my best to listen, learn and help others in my community daily.

While it has been over 3 decades, I remember being 20. I remember how hurt I was and how angry that no one recognized that hurt. I remember that, sometimes, the only way I could express that fear, hurt and anger was to yell or to act out - repeating aspects of the violence to which I had been victim throughout my young life. When young voices are silenced by their families, their elementary schools, high schools and communities, they can disappear from us forever or, at times, strike out hard and fast.

I have experienced both silence and acting out in anger. I was silenced for years. Obviously, I still am at times. It's cumulative. It builds up. It erodes us. I have faced beatings while people walked by doing nothing to stop it, some staying to watch or to cheer the queer bashers. I have been sexually harassed and not spoken up because my experience was laughed at, negated, or I was told: "Oh, you know how people can be. I'm sure they didn't mean any harm." I've been pushed down and punished for the times I have stood up and spoken up. It has cost me jobs though I don't think I could ever prove it. I have been verbally, physically, sexually and emotionally abused because of my gender and sexual orientation. I certainly know that the work is not over. I am still doing the work everyday. I have been doing the work for my whole life and I will continue to do the work because I have seen the difference it makes and the cost is secondary to the path I hope to have cleared for those who come after me. I honour and respect those who forged a path ahead of me. I honour and respect myself, though, at times, that too is eroded.

We must listen to our children, celebrate their difference, their questions, their fears and their hopes and dreams. We cannot expect our children to be what we want them to be, what we perceive as right for them to be, or even what we perceive to be their easiest path.

For our university students, I believe we can teach skills some may never have had the opportunity to learn in their childhoods. We can teach ways of love over ways of fear and acts of kindness over acts of aggression. For if we do not make space for this in the education of our young people, who will? I believe in protest but I do not believe in unkindness or thoughtlessness as a way of bringing people together to affect positive change. I do not wish to shame anyone or say anyone should not be heard. I did everything I could to create a space for the protesters to speak on that day and they did speak. They had time at the microphone. I only knew of their desire to speak an hour before the ceremony and then made every effort to seek them out and listen to what they had to say.

I was asked to speak at the event to represent the Positive Space Network on campus - a visible network of students, faculty, staff and alumni who are working to make the University of Victoria a more welcoming and inclusive space for people of all genders and sexualities. I had the support of the PSN to speak at this event and I am proud to have done so.

We must continue to teach the history of activism, not just in Canada but worldwide, so we hear and understand the voices raised before ours, with ours and those that will follow. So much has been done toward equity, diversity and inclusion and so much remains to be done. To most people with whom I have spoken, this campus rainbow crosswalk represents that journey:

• the difficult path so many have walked to date in order to make it better for those who have followed, 
• where we stand individually and together in this moment, and 
• the long view ahead at what must be accomplished. 

The work ahead must be done by everyone - equity and activism can no longer be relegated to the marginalized groups affected. We must stand together as a community and support equity and diversity with solid goals and financial and human resource. I believe in the work I do and will keep doing all I can with positive intent - despite my missteps, errors, failings and through the dissent.

Personally, I was saddened and hurt by some of the behaviour and words during that protest, by the meanness of some of it, because it has been a very long path for some of us, a lifetime's difficult journey. To be negated and to know that some of the LGBT* community activists and advocates who were there felt negated or shamed - that's unkind.

The issues mentioned at the microphone by one of the protesters were valid and many of their concerns, such as a university policy on gender, are issues I, too, have been raising since another Canadian college came out with an excellent policy.

It was the protesters lack of knowledge of who I am and the lack of knowledge of the histories of the people who were there that was inconsiderate and subsequently harmful. I feel they engaged in the very assumptions against which they rail. Not to be seen as valuable to, or worthy and knowledgeable of, the LGBT* community I have served for my entire adult life was harmful to me because I do see you, I do hear you and what you have to say has always meant something to me.

Let us light the path for one another, offer words of kindness and support to those who are on their way and let us think before we say someone is perpetuating violence without knowing the work, history and beliefs of those at whom we are yelling. I am pleased that the event has brought greater attention to LGBT* issues on campus, but I am not comfortable with the means by which it has happened.

If you are at a public institution, remember, as school starts for the fall term, it is not something separate from you, you are that place. Whether you are staff, faculty, student, alumni or larger community, it is yours. We have chosen to be part of a community and, within it, we have rights AND responsibilities. We need to know our policies and work together to change them when they no longer serve us well. We are our schools, our governments and our communities. I hope we can all learn together, within a culture of kindness and respect, to manifest change and inclusion. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. September 6, 2015.

(Note: Apologies for the portion of text in lighter grey, 
it's a default from posting on the mobile application...)

Self Portrait

Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015

Homeward Bound

Edward Henry and Charlotte Ann - The Great Grandparents Cornwall

Circa late 1800s - Photographer Unknown

This is something I originally wrote a year and a half ago. Now, my trip back to the UK after 33 years absence has become a reality. In a couple of weeks, I'll be on my way.

The older I get, the more I seem to be "pining for the old country". I was made in England ;-) and born in Canada. My parents came over to Canada on the boat for the second time when Chris, the eldest, was 12, Bruce was 9 and Philip was one. I travelled as a stowaway inside my mother and I am determined that this is why I love the ocean, waves and surfing. 

One night on the crossing aboard the RMS Empress of Canada, the Atlantic was so rocky that my mother and Chris were the only two guests in the dining room along with a few service staff that were not ill with sea-sickness. My mother was very proud of that. I remember her being all chuffed up with it when she regaled us with the tale. 

We went back to England frequently as children. My parents travelled back on business with the parent company of Airflow Developments in High Wycombe, for whom they provided a Canadian branch in our hometown of Richmond Hill, Ontario - we usually made a family vacation of it. We went back to visit relatives and friends of my parents and to explore their favourite vacation spots. There were places that, even as a child, blew my mind. Among them were the grandeur, history and tradition of both the University of Oxford and Cambridge University, the size and wonder of Stonehenge - standing below one of the great upright monoliths in awe, St Paul's Cathedral and the Whispering Gallery, the  rolling countryside of the Cotswolds and meeting the siblings of my mum's wartime love on their farm near Stow on the Wold and feeling the love and intensity of loss between them and my mum. Lyme Regis and the Alexandra Hotel, where we met another family with kids and my brother and I fell for the same girl - tragically and, of course, she fell for him... I remember excavating fossils along the Jurassic Coast and getting quite embarrassingly stuck up on the cliffs. How sweet my eldest brother was to take Philip and I out on a mackerel fishing boat with our lines and wooden spools. Poor Chris loathed the look and feel of live fish!

I remember the sights and smells. They are ingrained in the fibre of my being. Hemel Hempstead in Hertfordshire - being able to finally be old enough to venture out on my own and browse through the shops on the high street. My cousin, Karen, is my closest relation. We are daughters of sisters, women warriors and survivors. I have not seen her for 33 years. I have not been back and, now, every fibre in my being is being pulled back with a magnetic force I have never previously experienced. I need to go. I need to see my people. I need to walk the places of my childhood. I need to take a trip across the pond to the Guidel Communal Cemetery in Brittany near the Gulf of Morbihan where there lies a marker for my mother's wartime love, Richard, shot down in the second world war. 

I remember,vividly,standing on the grounds of Biggin Hill Fighter Station, listening to my mum tell us the story of a German plane being shot down and crashing into the base, the air raid siren going off and because of her exhaustion, she stayed in her barracks bed until the windows imploded with the explosion. She showed us the scar above her eyebrow where the glass from the window had just missed her eye. I will never forget these things. I tell them here and hope my brother has told his children - lest we forget.

I remember the Tower of London, Westminster Cathedral, Buckingham Palace - waving to the queen as she returned from the race track. I remember how mum nearly had me convinced that Kensington Gardens belonged to her family but I just couldn't wrap my head around why they would leave if that were true! I remember cruising down the Thames, thinking of all that has passed over and through that historic river. I remember my mum losing her watch after "setting it right by Big Ben" - irony...

I am attached to this country and my body has begun to call me home. I have had to scrimp and save and now I know I will return to her soon.I will see the green patchwork of farmer's fields and walk the paths of some of the greatest writers ever known. I will cry for family gone, to whom I never was able to say my goodbyes. I will walk and walk through the streets of London and breathe deeply in the arms of remaining family. I will know that I am from this land. I am of these people and I am one with England through my bloodline and the soil and ocean that surrounds this faraway island. I will see the new friends I have met through the wonder of Twitter and we will sit and talk story over tea. 

I will see you soon, England (and, hopefully Ireland and France!) I carry you with me always. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. May 18, 2014.
Edited and re-published,  August 30, 2015.

My mum and my eldest brother, Chris

Circa 1949

It would have been Chris's 65th birthday tomorrow, August 31

RIP Chris Cornwall

Ocean Heir

Pacifica

Gillian Cornwall, c. August 2015

Rising from the Salish Sea

Heir apparent to her island throne

Kelp and sand dollars adorn her 

She knows no ways but those of nature born

No pretense

No sense of hate

No desire to subjugate

Her only need, to be

To inhale and exhale deeply

Sufficient space to breathe

To allow herself to leave

To fall and rise again

Not a fish to be lured to net

Nor a wildcat morphed to pet

She wove fibres from the land

In colours of the sea

And the spectrum of life

Wrapped 'round wrists 

Of those she loves

Do not cast a shadow on her 

She may fly 

And return at will.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. August 23, 2015

Mount Baker from Willows Beach

Gillian Cornwall, c. July 2015

Camaraderie and joie de vivre

Indigent Smurf, Goes by name "Papa"

Gillian Cornwall, c August 15, 2015

camaraderie and joie de vivre

How does it happen - the change from fine to not fine? How do we lose our ability to commit - socially, financially, with friends, or with lovers? When did the fear roll in like a weighty summer storm, our personal barometric pressure rising and falling throughout the day without warning or comprehension of the cause. When did we stop going to visit each other at home or say "yes" to a simple dinner invitation? When did we lose our ability to commit and begin to favour couch and Netflix over the company of friends and loved ones? When did we become too "busy" for one another? Are we afraid our homes are not fine enough to share with friends if we lack the granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances (thank you, HGTV)? Why don't you come over to my not-so-styling,1970's apartment building so we can discuss it over a glass of wine or a cup of tea?

There is no purpose in looking to me for the answers. This week, I haven't the answers - just more questions. I will speculate along with the best of them but I can't make any facts stick. My first speculation leans to perceived time available and fear - fear of commitment to anything or anyone. Maybe it's too much choice so we wait and wait for the best option until all the options have passed us by and we go back to our Netflix and Facebook. 

Maybe it's just me and this is just self-serving tripe; however, it is harder to get people to commit to a coffee date (no, I don't mean a "date-date," just a get together), lunch, brunch, dinner, walk, trip to Tahiti - anything really.... This isn't a judgement piece either, because while I am frustrated by it, I do it as well - often. I worry that I won't have the money, the energy or the time when the time comes to join / participate or I feel anxious about the tasks I have set for myself in my own life and I don't think I've time to stop to be with the people I want to get to know or the people I love. 

Weird. I never used to be this way. Is it a symptom of ageing? I hope not... I don't want to be a "fuddy-duddy." I think just writing "fuddy-duddy" kind of makes me one and now I've gone and done it twice! 

I wonder how much of it has to do with SNS (social network service) usage. One study by Daria Kuss and Mark D. Griffiths in the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health from 2011 certainly indicates a negative correlation with people who spend more time in SNS and spend less time socializing IRL (in real life). This being said, I have a group of wonderful friends who use SNS to facilitate their IRL experiences - to meet for coffee, meals and activities - and I love these folks. I want more of this. The strange thing is I don't see them that often because they have more expendable income for socializing because they are, for the most part, in couples. Again - not judging, just saying that I think it makes it easier. 

I do some things alone. I take myself on walks, I go shopping and I take myself to events but it would be awfully nice to do more things with a friend. At times, I wonder if new female acquaintances are concerned that I am "asking them out" so they say they are busy to avoid a potential awkward refusal of a request for a date. If any of you are doing this, it's okay. If I am interested in you as more than a friend, I will tell you and then you can say, "no thanks" and we can just carry on with our friendship. 

I do get invited to large group social events by friends or through Meetup but I can find large group activities difficult as I am somewhat Introverted. I prefer socializing one-on-one or in small groups as I am distracted at events with large numbers of people. It renders me, well, out of focus - I can't concentrate on one person in the hum of voices. 

I am speculating. I don't know why I engage in social blocking behaviours. Maybe SNS leave me engaged and tired in one regard, but dissatisfied with the lack of actual physical presence in another. I do believe we need to be actually "with" one another at times. It's why I am flying half way around the world next month. I need to be "with" my UK friends and family. I need to look into the eyes of my relations for something that cannot be gleaned through Facebook. Don't get me wrong; I am eternally grateful for the social platforms with which I engage my community but I need more. I want them to lead me to your doors, to be present, to offer you my friendship and camaraderie. I don't care what your house is like or if you have things. I want to share stories with you, laugh with you, hold you when you are sad and alone and celebrate you in your successes. I want you to hear me cheer for you and pass you a cup of tea to comfort you. 

Perhaps there are a multitude of reasons for our increasing social anxiety, depression and disengagement from physical engagement with folks. Certainly being fifty, single, gay and less wealthy than some of my peers doesn't help, but I believe there are other reasons based on our tech age at play. Fear is at play. Anxiety is at epidemic levels in our society. Cultures outside of mainstream North American society seem to be suffering less with this ....so, what is it? Do we have so much that we have seized up like an overtaxed mule with the burden of our wealth?

I hope I see you soon to discuss it. In the meantime, open the curtains. Look outside. Smile at a stranger on the street. Go meet someone for coffee. Draw a picture. Write a poem. Let's make sure we still can reach out beyond the comfort of the keyboard and see, smell, touch, hear and taste the world outside, with love and kindness. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. August 16, 2015

This post is dedicated to the amazing group of individuals with whom I shared the weekend on Protection Island in August of 2015, with particular props to John and Sara - y'all stretch my heart. xo

 ...or let go

Gillian Cornwall, c August 2015

Peace, halfway

Gillian Cornwall, c. August 2015

 Friends

Gillian Cornwall, c August 2015

wade in the water

Gillian Cornwall, c. August 2015

Gender Free

 Me - 2014

My head is raw

from popping up 

through taped down boxes

like a cat 

I find a gap

and push

Boxes labelled

male

female

gay

rabble-rouser

troublemaker

I pop through

your Jack, your Jill in the Box

keeping me still in the box

'til you've wound me so tight

I take flight

No matter what you need to hear

I'm still coming out queer

past your fear 

If you need a different label

call me able 

to be what I need to be

My friend Sheila sees no danger 

She calls me "Earth Angel"

and I tend to agree

because I want to be free

and I'll gravitate 

away from hate 

Life is all about labels

and the fables

you've been told

since you were one day old

in pink or blue

not what's true for you

tucked in your bed 
with a kiss on your head
clothes laid out
pants for prince
dress for princess
but what you feel in your heart
no one cares less

I've been railing on gender subjugation

with friends and relations across every nation

dreaming of a time

when my life will be mine

when I can rest without fear

and just be me...

Gender free

-Gillian Cornwall, c. August 9, 2015

Blossoming

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring, 2015

What is the Art of Life?

Life, bursting forth

Brentwood Bay, Vancouver Island

Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015.

You may wonder why my blog is entitled, "The Art of Life." 

My goal is to create a place where I review events and experiences (my own and others) through a lens that sparks thought and opportunity for conversation. I try to select topics that may provide us with some common threads and an opportunity to weave those threads into strong social fabric - the fabric of our lives and our relationships with one another.

I want this to be a place where we question ourselves and our histories, a place where we allow one another to reinvent ourselves based on individual and collective experience. I want this space to be like a safe house, a place to come and go at will. I hope that you will come by to visit often. I hope this will be a place where you can express and exchange your thoughts, ideas and your worries, with me and with one another, as you choose, within a culture of kindness.

The Rose comes into bud
Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015

Where are we in our lives, if we do not have safe spaces in which to question, learn and grow? Where are we if we do not feel safe to experience the gift of the emotions we have been given? Let love guide us in this space. Let us breathe through our fears and expand with light.

I am grateful to all of you who spend time and energy in this space. I have been blessed to get to know some of you outside of the realm of this blog and you are a source of great love, light and learning to me. 

When I think about energy, as I do often, and I read the work of today's scientists as they look at factors such as physical cosmology, quantum physics and thermodynamics, I become more and more convinced of the relativity of our imprint and the expansion capacity of our energy. Who we are and how we behave in our lives does matter, both individually and collectively. This is the art of life. If each of us are seen as a unique colour, then together we create the ultimate rainbow, the most exquisitely detailed picture, or the blanket of many threads that keeps us together, warm and protected. 

Physicists and cosmologists have recently come to believe that the universe is, in fact, expanding and that the expansion is accelerating. Whatever is causing this universal acceleration has been named 'dark energy' but its origins are not yet known. Is it possible that as our comprehension expands, so does the universe itself? I am not a scientist, but I am an explorer of ideas, of possibility.

In August, it will be 3 years since my brother died. I feel him with me. The likelihood is, I always will. His life was essential to the person I am. He was a teacher, a protector and a friend. His life expanded my own and, thus, I believe his life impacts all of those who are impacted by mine. This is the ripple effect of energy. This is why I have renamed this space, "The Art of Life."

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives and thank you for being a part of mine. My gratitude for this opportunity is boundless. I hope we will be able to share our thoughts and ideas here for a long time. With every wish for joy and peace.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. July 30, 2015

Edited from the original post, August 17, 2014

In the cooling afternoon light

Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015

Flow

Buddha, Hawaii 2006

Gillian Cornwall. c. 2012

Let love flow through you. 

Do not attempt to hold it for questioning.

All will be well.

Walk the path of love rather than the path of fear.

Give what you have to give freely, without expectation.

Make way for those you love to follow their paths without impeding their journeys.

Hold up a light for them when they are in their darkest hours.

Hold up a mirror when they need to see their beautiful reflections more clearly.

Love freely.

This is a good job.

This is a good life.

This is a beautiful life. 

All is well.

Blessings to all.

Love to all.

Love and blessings gratefully received.

-Gillian Cornwall, revised July 26, 2015.

Original text: August 25, 2011.

Mount Baker From Willows Beach

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2011

Empathy

Life is a Ride

Gillian Cornwall, c. Spring 2015

Empathy - I have been thinking about how we behave on a daily basis in our personal and professional lives. 

Leaders and colleagues may have a void of empathy for those around them. In a professional environment, this lack of understanding can have disastrous results, not the least of which is the alienation of a team and their emotional divorce from an organization. This can be the first crumbling brick between working groups, friends, institutions, teams or businesses.

Everyone can benefit from coaching in the process of empathetic engagement. Primarily, it takes desire to learn how to acknowledge the problems or difficulties of a friend or colleague. It takes development of emotional intelligence. It requires a comprehension of your own emotional issues and learning how to express them in the best ways and at the best times. Packing your emotional stinginess into your lunch kit everyday into a sarcasm sandwich may not be the best option.

Certainly, it is unwise to climb into the crevasse with someone when then are trapped in the dark without a visible means of escape. If you are both in there, how will you be able to help the other out? Who will hold up the light to show the path and point out some options for footholds?

It is essential to first acknowledge that the person is in a crevasse and that you are aware that they may be uncomfortable, hurt and afraid in there. If you skip this step and proceed to, "Hey, at least the crevasse wasn't bottomless!" or "Don't worry, you'll get out." and walk away, it becomes entirely apparent to the person within the crevasse that you wish you had never come across the discomforting scenario of finding them in the first place. It appears that coming across them in this state of distress is an embarrassing inconvenience and that their predicament has been engineered to inconvenience you on what would have been an otherwise enjoyable day. "Crevasse person" should have quietly withered away to nothing without disturbing you. Obviously, this is not the way to assist with recovery and healing.

Once you have acknowledged the situation, as an effective leader, you can offer direct assistance if you are able; this too, is a form of empathy. If you are out of your league with a situation, it is still essential to acknowledge its existence with the person. Once you have made your acknowledgement, if you are uncertain in how to direct the person, you can tell them you will get back to them with resources (give details, such as date, time and format) and make sure you follow-up! Be real and be true. 

If you are in a position of empowerment, entitlement or leadership, your position makes your time no more or no less valuable than that of the person in the predicament. The amount of money you are paid to do your job is irrelevant in this scenario. Time taken to work together on problem-solving is an investment in any relationship, organization or group. Remember that the people with whom you work are your colleagues, fellow humans, all worthy of respect. They are not your employees; rather, they are employed by the organization and you have been hired to lead them.

Know your responsibilities as a leader.

Know the resources of your organization.

Know the rights and benefits of those you have been asked to lead.

If you do not know, find out before the next scenario arises.

Do not make assumptions about the person's experiences or feelings based on your own history.

Once you have held up that light and helped guide the person from the crevasse, set a time to follow-up and talk about the experience. This will involve listening and it may involve redirection to other resources. Keep your judgements to yourself and be clear about the time frame and methodologies you have with which to assist. Be empathetic and kind. The people with whom we work are the employer's "human resource." Think about these two words carefully. Think about them together and separately. Think about their meanings and implications. Be honest - both with yourself and with the person you are engaging. 

It is not your responsibility to "fix" whatever is happening with the person. It is unlikely they need, nor want, "fixing." As Oprah said on her last show, "...every single person you will ever meet shares the common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'..."

Try it. See people. Hear them. Acknowledge what they have said to you and let it flow through you without judgement nor personal need. You needn't carry the trauma of others, but hold up the lantern and let folks know you are willing, as a fellow human, to offer light and guidance as each of us makes our way out of the crevasse we find ourselves in from time to time.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. July 19, 2015 

edited and re-posted from June 22, 2014

Resources:

The following articles, books and scripts have been helpful to me on my journey towards empathy and along my path towards emotional and social intelligence.

Psychology Today - I Don't Feel Your Pain - Overcoming Roadblocks to Empathy by David F. Swink

The Four Agreements - A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz

Change We Must - My Spiritual Journey by Nana Veary

Solomon's Tale by Sheila Jeffries

A Glimpse of Heaven - The Philosophy of True Health by Dr. Glen Hepker

The Laws of Thermodynamics - A Very Short Introduction by Peter Atkins

T-Shirt painted for VSAC event

Gillian Cornwall, c. 2013

What You Want

Shasta Daisies - Brentwood Bay 

Gillian Cornwall, c. June 2015

The sun-warmed bee buzz of the Salt Spring Island summer sits softly behind my still-closed eyes as I lay in the quiet sterility of my bed. I treat this place as somewhere exotic and far, absurd when it is but a bus and a ferry away.

Why do we complicate that which is simple? Is it to afford excuses for inaction? Do we not really want that which we say we want? Do we want it given to us rather than having to ask for it or work for it? 

In my case, I think all of these are true at different times. If I want to go to Salt Spring, I need to either ask someone to go with me and simply share or pay the costs of using their car or I need to just get up on a Saturday morning and go! I would be there within a couple of hours. 

Anyway, this post isn't really about going to Salt Spring Island as much as it's about what we do or do not put in the way of our own desires. When we think about what we want, perhaps the best course of action is to sit down and write out all of the reasons and excuses why we cannot get it and all the ways and means through which it can be achieved. 

Life is a short course of choices and the ones we make can impact the others as we weave our way through myriad choices. I do not believe in right or wrong choices as much as how we act and react to those which we have made and those we decide to abandon along the way, when they no longer suit our dreams and goals. 

All I'm saying is that it is my life, it is your life, and how we choose to live our lives is up to us - regardless of what we believe we have or do not have and what we feel are our barriers to our goals and successes. So walk your path with care and do not abandon your dreams too easily. Chances are some of them are just a bus ride or a ferry away. 

With love and peace to each of you on the journey.

-Gillian Cornwall, c. July 12, 2015

Walking the Path of PRIDE

Pride Crosswalk

Photo by Gillian Cornwall, c. July 2015

Hurt breeds fear. Fear breeds anger. Anger breeds hate; however, love, unconditional love given with a good heart, without any expectation of return, that love exists and cannot be taken.

If you had the chance to read my post, titled: The Life Compassionate from Sunday, May 31, then you may remember the lessons in remaining compassionate in the face of disappointment or hurt. I believe that these lessons come up for us at times when we either need them for ourselves or we need to teach them to someone else ...sometimes both.

I spoke at an event this week. Some of you are already aware of it but, for the rest of you, it was the official opening of a PRIDE crosswalk at my workplace. It may not sound like much, but it took 11 months of collaboration and work to achieve the installation of this iconic symbol of PRIDE. Most people in attendance believed this celebration of accomplishments to be a good thing and some did not. Some people were hurt and angry because there is still more to do and they felt the crosswalk misrepresented where we are on that path of equity and inclusion. All voices were heard and the crosswalk was opened. For me, it was a celebration of what has been accomplished and it shows a willingness to participate in changes to come.

I have worked at this place for 20 years and participated, as an individual and multiple committee member to affect change, to make my community more equitable and diverse through advocacy. Notice that I say making, for the work is not done - likely the work will never be finished. There have been an enormous number of people who are change-makers participating in the process, some as individuals who stand up to be seen and participate in change by being themselves, despite knowing the risk of what should be a right for all, and those that have worked actively to bring about policy change ...and those who do both. Some have been at it for much longer than I. I am grateful to every one of them for their bravery and commitment. This crosswalk is a way to acknowledge the proud past and the work of these people and it is an acknowledgement that there is always more work ahead.

Past. Present. Future. Work done. Work being done. Work to be done. I am grateful to be a part of the process, despite the hate, anger and fear I have encountered, and can still encounter along the way. Celebrations of the work done are necessary and drive us forward, particularly for those of us who have dedicated our lives to make it better for those who follow.

Here is my speech from the official opening of the crosswalk, minus the section where I offered my thanks to some folks - I did not have a chance to ask to use their names here. Like every single person walking the face of the earth, people want to know: "Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say means anything to you" ~Oprah Winfrey I hope my words will mean something to you:

"I speak, with gratitude for the strength, bravery and knowledge of the elders and all of the people of this land. I recognize I am not of this place and that I am standing, speaking my truth, on the traditional lands of the Lekwungen-speaking peoples. Thank you.

Rainbows are a reflection of sunlight through raindrops. When white light enters a raindrop, the different wavelength colours bend at slightly different angles.(1) So we each find our path when a light is held up for us in dark or difficult times. We are enabled to walk our unique paths, following our hearts and minds on our voyages of personal discovery. 

The PRIDE crosswalk is complete. The lines are painted and they stretch from one side to the other, representing this path we walk. They represent the original PRIDE flag, designed by Gilbert Baker in San Francisco in 1978. The pink (stripe) hearkens back to the pink triangles forced upon homosexuals, rapists and paedophiles, by Nazis, when they were sent to concentration camps during World War Two, but was added by Baker to represent sexuality. Please take time to investigate the history of this iconic symbol of PRIDE. 

The weight of oppression may grow heavy at times, but lay your burden down here for it was never your fear, nor your shame, to carry. Story by story, you will be heard and acknowledged and we will heal together. 

On this, our path of PRIDE, I see opportunity for acknowledgement, recognition and healing so we can go forward together, in wellness, with good hearts. This path represents our journey as a community. We are many beautiful, different threads and, woven together, we can make a strong cloth.

Take time to listen to our change-makers; do not see them as troublemakers if their stories discomfort you. Be brave. Ask questions.

Listening may be one of the greatest acts of healing you will ever perform. Each time you cross here, remember those who have worked for equity, diversity and inclusion and that our work continues until everyone is walking this as a path of love rather than a path of fear. 

In closing, I ask you for 3 things:

• Remember
• Be present
• Aspire

Our best bet has always been to start, stay and finish with kindness.

Thank you."

I wish everyone around the world a Happy Pride. For those still struggling for your basic freedoms and rights, I do see you; I hear you and what you say means something to me. We will keep working, for we do not truly have freedom until we are all free. With love and a kind heart, I wish you each peace and safety on your path and may we continue to hold lanterns up for one another in our times of darkness. Look for moments of peace and joy and embed them in your very cellular structure and in your soul to keep you going through times of drought - the rains will come again and so will the sunshine and, with them, rainbows. 

-Gillian Cornwall, c. July 5, 2015

(1) Wikipedia

Victoria Pride Pin - "We Are Family"

Photo by Gillian Cornwall, c. July 2014