Open

Jellyfish - Lana'i, Hawaii

c. Gillian Cornwall, 2006.

I am an open thermodynamic system moving away from fear, toward love. I am complete and perfect in this moment, thank you very much for asking. :-) In the next moment, I will have shifted with the universe but I will likely have the same answer. I don't believe I will remain the same shape long enough for you to put me in a box and seal it tightly. Please do not rush to place a label directly onto my flesh, it will only hurt when you have to rip it off a moment later, when we are caught up in the inevitable eternity of labeling and ripping, moment upon moment.

I am amorphous and independent but I have a story, a trail, an echo that will lead you to me in each moment. Does independence preclude relationship? I say no, for if I hold no one and no thing, I do not stand alone, rather full, as the universe is free to flow through me, full-tilt and full-time. 

I like who I am. I do not wish to initiate fear in people because of my being, my becoming. I want to stand open, listening to the millions upon billions and trillions of voices on the wind, listening to the ever-changing being of it all. All for one and one for all! Who knew Alexandre Dumas had it so right in that statement in The Three Musketeers? By the way, why were they called musketeers, when they carried rapiers, not muskets? Apologies, I digress.

I'm here. I'm listening. I'm always now, always present, all ways me, you and the universe; all for one and one for all! There is always the same amount of energy throughout that nebulous construct of time; the same amount of energy at the beginning as at the end - but what beginning and what end ...and of what? - all that ever was, is and shall be. Is this what humans refer to as "God"? This is what I understand to be the universe, all of that which can be imagined and all that we have not yet come to explore. It includes that which we have plumbed and that which is unfathomable. 

I am in awe, completely, and never alone, not even in my thoughts as every pulse beats through me, through eternity. I believe I am finding peace in that which we have named "chaos".

-Gillian Cornwall, rewritten August 25, 2013.

Initially produced on April 2, 2011.

Gumby.

"He can walk into any book,

with his pony pal Pokey too."

Hulopoe, Lana'i. 

Photo, c. Gillian Cornwall, 2006.

My Brother - In Memoriam

An Open Hand

G. Cornwall, c. 2013.

I love my brother like the sun, like breathing, like perfect life itself. 

A year has passed since dear Chris left this place, a year since his body shut down and he joined the universal 'all' in spirit. 

While I miss hearing his voice, his unique laugh, his dry humour, his epic scrabble playing, watching Masterpiece Theatre with him and hugging him after a long separation, I know he's been with me every step of the way over the past year. He flows through my every cell, in each breath I take and in every beat of my heart.

I see his smile in my successes, in my every joy and I hear his soft words of encouragement when I falter and frown upon myself.

Dear brother, the inheritance of your life, the way you lived, is the greatest legacy to have left me. I remember your every kindness, your patience with those less fortunate and your perseverance through the injuries set upon you by others fear. You taught me well and I am grateful. I am blessed with the eternity of your love. Thank you.

Let love flow freely

as a fountain

and you will always be full.

Love is energy.

Energy is love.

Let go.

Free yourself.

There is enough 

for everyone

after all.

Let there be peace.

Love,

Gillian.

The Bird.

Chinese Cemetery, Victoria BC

c. Gillian Cornwall, 2013.

The Bite

I was thinking about a time in my life, 30 years ago. This was a time when I lived with an alcoholic partner and allowed her suffering to become my burden - for a little while. I'm so glad I learned from this experience and now let people carry their own baggage, walk their own paths and simply hold up a light to help them see and a mirror to show how beautiful they are, both in the struggle and when they let go of that which burdens them. I suppose this is part of unconditional love. That being said, I am eternally grateful to the friends who helped me and my partner at that time with what seemed like an impossible situation. They gently untangled the web that had held us immobile and we were able to move forward independently and without animosity. Peace to all.


Cool Spring to soothe the fear.
I remember walking through the night.
Not so much homeless I suppose
as unable to go home.

Bandaged where she bit me
when I tried to take her keys.

Ever the comic, I asked the doc
if the alcohol she consumed
would cleanse the wound,
this bloody half moon.

He smiled a half smile
and pierced me with the tetanus shot.

I forgave the bite
right through my shame
walking through the night
to sit on your porch until daylight came.

Bandaged where she bit me
when I tried to take her keys.

No idea how to tell my friends
longing for my own fresh bed
a peaceful place to lay my head
Knowing she can't stop for me.

-Gillian Cornwall, August 4, 2013.

If you or someone you know feels like drinking is taking away life force, if you drink to dull emotional or physical pain, then it may help you to speak with someone you trust, like a doctor or a counsellor. There are many ways to walk a healthy and joyful path, regardless of what the past has held for you.