Coconut Palm - Lana'i, Hawaii
G.Cornwall, c. December 2012
Yep. I'm gonna do it. I'm quoting The Spice Girls song, Wannabe.
"Tell me what you want,
What you really, really want."
At times, I want to tattoo this on my forehead so everyone I encounter can see it, but the print would have to be kind of small to make it fit and people would need to stand really close to read it and that would just be awkward all around but you get the idea, right?
Call me simple, for I hope that is what I am. I am not going to be able to guess what you are thinking, dreaming or wanting with any kind of regular accuracy. If I'm very lucky, I may get it right 10% of the time; however, if you tell me what you want, yes, what you really, really want, what's going to happen then?
Well, now we are getting to the heart of the matter and, guess what folks, the star of the show, more often than not, is our old nemesis, fear. So, if we don't express our truth kindly and clearly because of fear, what do you get as a result: frustration, confusion, dissatisfaction? One thing I'm fairly certain we don't get, is that which we truly desire
we also don't get: rejected, turned down, laughed at, anger or misunderstanding, right?
...or do we? Because if we aren't clear, most people will guess, make assumptions about us, take our fear of clear expression as a personal affront to them:
"Well, she obviously doesn't care about us or she would have said something!"
So, our fears become our self-fulfilling prophesies and we lose out on opportunities that we were afraid of losing out on because we are afraid to speak our truth ...and so the cycle goes.
Does speaking your truth always result in the magical fulfillment of your wishes and desires? Well, no, of course not.
Is there a chance you won't get the result you want by expressing yourself clearly and kindly? Absolutely.
The thing is, if you know you're not going to get what you want, where you want, how you want, when you want and why you want by remaining silent, then why not speak your piece? At the end of the day, you have nothing to lose but fear.
One of my main frames of reference when considering fear is this book: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. There are parts of the book that don't resonate with me, but the four points have helped me gain greater understanding of my self and those around me. I have erased "old tapes" and created a framework for moving through life with ownership of my actions and reactions.
Briefly, The Four Agreements state:
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take anything personally
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
Keeping these in mind helps me to understands my fears, to sit with them, poke at them and, often, resolve them.
As an aside, I believe that it is fine to not know what you want for a time. It is helpful to articulate that and to tell someone you are currently trying to figure it out.
I wish each of you peace, joy and clarity on your personal voyages through this glorious life.
-Gillian Cornwall, April 26 2013.
Hulopo'e - Lana'i, Hawaii
G. Cornwall, c. December 2012