I Want To Write

Lana'i, Hawaii

G. Cornwall, c. 2006

What I want to write about is truth, as I know it - the truth as I see it. I want to write the passion, the filth and the joy. I want to write it all. I want to write from where life springs forth in all its mess. I see. I am whole. 

I want to write about how I know that if I remain open and fluid, the chaos will flow through me and I will know where I am in the midst of it. I want to write the perfection of science and art from my open thermodynamic system. I want to write about how one needn't fear love, giving love, if one expects nothing, fearlessly. I want to write from that place I've seen, that place I've been, in which I'm completely connected to everything, where there is no loss and no gain, where everything stands sublime. I want to write about walking through the shit and the quagmire along the way, how I push myself away and pull myself closer in the want and don't want of it all. 

Where are the heart and mind if not in this universal woods of life and story? Who have we created as the Big, Bad Wolf today? I want to write it all and write it again with new eyes everyday. Passion and madness like torn streamers and deflating, escaping balloons at the end of five year old's birthday party where you find gum in the cat's fur and a hot dog in the toilet. 

Passion and madness and sweet release. Chaos. Entropy. Acceptance. A toolkit of heart and mind and nonsense. Perhaps all of it is without sense. That is the sweet spot. Fear. Dirt. Sunshine. A friend told me that if you hit dirt hard enough it will become sunshine. I want to write dirt into sunshine and sunshine into dirt. I want to write.

Gumby and Pokey

Lana'i, Hawaii.

G. Cornwall, c. 2006

-Gillian Cornwall, c. February, 2011