Sunday, June 10, 2012

A Memory, In Gratitude - a 'coming out' story

One of these things is not like the others...

A Memory, In Gratitude
-for JM

I sat close beside you on your bed, in your room, terrified, filled with the need to tell you my truth that you might better understand me and, at times, my shyness with you. Every time I started to speak, the words petrified in my throat. I choked on the fear of your response. What if you asked me to leave? What if you were repulsed by me, by this thing that I was and had no control over, this thing that I could not nor did not want to change?

You leaned into me, pulling me close by the shoulder, and looking into my eyes, you spoke softly but firmly, "I'm really worried. Please tell me, what's wrong?"

I later found out that you thought I would tell you I'd been diagnosed with a fatal disease and that I'd be dying off without further ado. While I felt in that moment as though that was precisely what I would do, that was not, in fact, the case.

I don't know why I believed you would react adversely to the information I was compelled to share. After all, you were a perfectly kind and decent human being; nonetheless, I had been raised to believe that I was wrong, off, defective - both within my family and by the world at large. Now I know the truth. I am perfect in each moment of my life as long as I live a path of kindness, joy and love. I am full. I am complete.

Knowing you, having you hold up a lantern when I was still so young and tell me you could see me, you heard me and that I meant something to you - this was formative in my path to wellness, truth and self-acceptance.

Your friendship and acceptance of me at the tender age of 19, as I told you, "I'm gay" meant the world to me. I felt loved in that moment and I am eternally grateful for that. Thank you.

- Gillian Cornwall, June 7, 2012


nakedplanet2 said...

Beautiful. I'm so glad you had someone in your life like that to influence the person you were to become.

ToolGirl said...

Lovely. Intuition always delivers. You chose the perfect person to receive your truth.

Gillian said...

Thank you ToolGirl!
It is so true. I believe it was a gift for both of us. I am lucky that 'JM' has been able to read this post and know what it meant to to me. My life is huge and amazing. I'm so grateful for the tools of social networking that have allowed me to reconnect with great people, like you. xo

Gillian said...

Thanks so much for that. I am truly blessed to have had people like JM, YOU and many others to hold up the light along the path! -Gillian

LaurenSoonToBeStamhuis said...

Je t'adore. This story makes me happy for you, but also sad at the same time. No one should have to hide who they are, and unfortunately, it still goes on sometimes, and it even claims lives... I am reminded of how important it is to have loving and supportive people in your life.

Gillian said...

Thank you so much Lauren. I so appreciate your comment and acknowledgement. Every blessing to you!