Dear Crow God,
I humbly request that you ask your disciples to stop flying at my head. My hair is not nesting material and what the hell would I want with a crow baby. Rest assured, very few humans, as twisted and cruel as we can be, have use for a crow baby.
My understanding is that your kind are not even good eating; hence, the expression "eating crow" which is, of course, an English language idiom meaning humiliation by admitting wrongness or having been proven wrong after taking a strong position. Eating crow is presumably "foul" (excuse the pun - Fowl) tasting in the same way being proven wrong may be emotionally hard to swallow (thanks again Wikipedia).
To return to my original request, please inform your troops that, while I am renowned for my good nature and sense of humour, there is nothing sporting nor dignified about running down the street willy-nilly, waving my arms in the air, looking and, quite frankly, feeling terrified at the prospect of having my eyes plucked out.
I wish you the very best with all of your other crow endeavours, not the least of which is your attraction to, and collection of, bright and shiny objects, of which I do not consider myself one.
You also appear to have quite an affinity for playing "chicken' in traffic.
Oh - and the black outfits - very tasteful!
Most sincerely,
Gillian Cornwall
Homosapien
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